It may not be fair - but it's the way it is - whether in sports, politics, or business.
One of the most important Personal Skills anyone can have is the skill of responding effectively to a foul - bad press, verbal abuse, misrepresentation. Your maturity and purpose and focus are all on display when you respond, so choose your response carefully.
In the recent flap between Trump and O'Donnell, I see O'Donnell becoming the victim, and Trump the heavy, even though there is little argument that O'Donnell started it. Maybe the idea that any publicity is good publicity has kept them at it, but in our non-celebrity lives, the lesson to learn is to not let our own conduct diminish us in our own eyes and in the eyes of others - regardless of the provocation. This doesn't mean to not respond - any time you ignore provocation that matters you become diminished. It does mean that you choose your response carefully. The Personal Skill is being able to control emotions and measure how important it is to either act or to simply ignore the provocation.
It isn't easy on a late Friday commute when some idiot cuts you off on the freeway not to respond. But don't. At the worst, responding could result in you ending up dead; t the least, feeling like an ass.
When you choose to respond, first make sure its worth your time and energy. Then, apply the twenty four hour rule. Ninety five percent of conflict can be dealt with within twenty four hours - rarely does a provocation that matters call for an instant response. Why twenty four hours? It gives you time to let reason take over and rule over emotions, and then plan your response. And when you do that, you ensure your own effectiveness and maturity. For the other five percent of responses that must be done immediately, take a deep breath, deal with the issue and not the person, and regardless how personal the provocation, deal with it rationally. Easier said than done, but critical to your success. Talk to yourself about remaining calm and choosing a mature response - and remember that a few seconds of silence before responding can be very effective in draining emotion from the situation.
Remember, how you respond says more about you than it does about the person creating the conflict - stay above pettiness and personalization and gain respect - from yourself and from others!
Written by Andy Cox, President
4049 E ista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com
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