What To Do When Where You Are Is Not Where You Want To Be

One of the most limiting things we can tell ourselves is that what we are doing and where we are is not where we thought we would be or where we want to be. Lots of people feel that way right now. With all the changes that have happened over the past few years, many people have seen their worlds turned upside down. They have seen their assumptions disappear. They aren't where they thought they would be – and they have a real problem adapting to the realities of their situations.

It happens to all of us at some time – the feeling that where we are isn't where we want to be, or where we deserve to be, or where we planned to be - in work, relationships, emotions, career. And when that feeling occurs, it's really tempting to give in and feel like a victim. Feeling out of control, blaming causes outside ourselves, feeling tempted to give up and give in and blame all the forces that have conspired against us. To do that is fatal. Once the victim disease sets in its hard to see opportunities, even if they're right in front of us.

Our daughter told me a story about the person their pest service sent for a service call. She started to describe the problem she was having with ants. The pest “expert” told her he was just doing this job to pay the bills, that as soon as something better opened up, he would be doing a higher level, more prestigious job than just spraying for ants! I suspect he wanted our daughter to know that he was “better” than the job he was doing. She didn't care – all she wanted was an expert to help with the ant problem.

I met two investment bankers in Miami recently. Both work for a small firm. We got to talking about the impact of the recession on their business. They both admitted business was tough. They observed that many of the people laid off from the large investment firms were simply not equipped to work in smaller firms. They had become used to generous pay, lots of resources and the prestige of being highly educated members of a worldwide firm – work had flowed to them. They didn't have to go looking for it. But in small firms you gotta beat the bushes. Having to pick up the phone and ask for business was not where they wanted to be – and many of the ones that found themselves in that situation hadn't survived. They weren't where they thought they should be – and either wouldn't or couldn't adapt.

Many of the companies I work with are small to medium sized enterprises – anywhere from ten people to twenty five hundred. Most have small support staffs and expect a high level of self reliance and resourcefulness from their people. Most of their experience with executive level hires that have come directly from large companies has not been good. Most of those hires carry a load of assumptions about what they should have to do and what levels of support should be available to them. They are almost always disappointed and frustrated with what they find. The succesful ones adapt. The others fight the situation, try to change it to meet their expectations based on their past experience – with the result that they just survive or get fired. They weren't where they thought they should be. Many of those who failed in their first job after being in a big company learn the lesson, adapt their expectations and perceptions, and succeed using the lessons they learned. Those are the people to recruit.

Here are seven strategies to use when you feel you aren't where you want to be. These are strategies to guard against falling into the the victim trap – or getting yourself out of the one you may be in.

Make Choices - Realize that while you may not be able to control the circumstances that put you where you are, you have complete control over how you respond to them. The key word is choice. A scary word for about 70% of the population. Choice is that space between stimulus and response. Sometimes that space is small – sometimes it's large. It's there for everybody – all the time – even if it doesn't seem to be. That pest “expert” had a choice – and lots of space - to choose how to describe the work he was doing. The choice he made was a negative one. It did not serve him well. Think about how he could have made it positive.

Determine to Adapt – One of the most powerful Personal Skills any person can have is to adapt positively to the situation they find themselves in. Observing and analyzing the situation, then making a conscious decision on how to best succeed – or survive - without compromising basic values is a behavior of the successful. The investment bankers that can see their world as bigger than any one employer, and change to meet different situations, are better equipped for so many more future opportunities than if they had continued to insist on finding work as they had known it. It makes little sense to mourn what no longer exists – adapt.

Create and Review Expectations – Expectations must be reviewed and analyzed and conscious decisions made about them. It's important to accept that expectations need to change to meet changing circumstances. It's also important to realize that expectations that are always too high to be met can drain enthusiasm, energy and self worth. You can keep them as ideals, but don't make ideals into expectations. Think about it – waking up every day and failing to meet your own expectations. Even the most optimistic soul would wilt under those circumstances It's important to realize that expectation are influenced by circumstances – often. We're taught from an early age that we can do whatever we set our minds to do. But when a high school dropout tells me he wants to be a doctor I may suggest he start by striving to get his GED and become an Army medic. There are always new stretch expectations that can be created.

Resolve To Act - No single thing can overcome that feeling of being a victim more than acting. What actions are taken are really less important than just getting out there – whatever that means – and doing something. The Nike Just Do It ads have been so successful because they are simple, they are direct. They mean whatever you want them to mean, and they require Just Doing It. Right now, write down ten things you can do to better your situation, bring you closer to your expectations, overcome the victim disease. Don't just think about ten things – write them down – do them – celebrate the action. And avoid the trap of being busy but not effective. Steven Pressfield, in his book ”The Art of War” suggests you ask yourself one question if in doubt about the effectiveness of what you are doing. The question is “ If you were the only person left in the world, would you continue to do what you are doing right now?” Tough question.

Never, Never, Never Give Up. - Realize there is a real nobility in working to pay the bills, to honor commitments, to feed a family, to survive so you can greet another day with the possibility of success. Never apologize for the work. And realize and guard against giving up. Oftentimes giving up doesn't happen all at once, it can be sneaky. Cormac McCarthy wrote a line in his book “The Road,” about a man and his son, trying to reach the East Coast after a nuclear holocaust, facing untold difficulties. The father at one point turns to his son and says ” When your dreams are of a world that never was or of a world that never will be, and you are happy again, you will have given up.” Hope is critical, dreams are a must, but they need to translate into effective action in today. Make sure the actions you take are important and contribute to your expectations. They can carry you through the roughest of patches.

Develop Observation Skills – See the world around you as it is – not as you wish it would be – or as you dream it could be – or as it used to be. Hard eyed realism is an invaluable tool to moving forward, creating realistic expectations and using today in the best way possible.

Dwell In Possibilities – Stephan Schiffman, in his book “Make It Happen Before Lunch” offers the advice to “dwell in possibility – there is always a door somewhere waiting to be opened.” Possibility thinking leads to opportunities in places you may never have dreamed of.

Use these strategies to help overcome so much of the negative emotions and feelings of powerlessness that the steady barrage of bad news provides us with every day. At the same time, adopting the seven strategies will set the stage for the success that is sure to come to those who stay focused on it – and realize that success may be found in places far away from where you are now - what an exciting thought!

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph& Fax: 602-795-4100; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved

Turn Negative Expectations Into Positive Outcomes

People keep disappointing me - they don't act as badly as I expect them to. I hate to admit it - but that happens all the time. It happens when I hide my negative expectations - and behave as if everything was going to be positive.

An example:

I was on a walk and a group of young men were headed toward me - late teens - four of them - walking shoulder to shoulder. There was not going to be enough space for me to stay on the sidewalk unless one of them gave way. My negative expectation was that they would make it difficult for me - it's happened before. As I got close to them, I smiled and said " How you doing?" They answered by asking me the same question. They also moved and gave me room to stay on the sidewalk.

I reflected on that little scenario, and was kind of ashamed that my expectation was that they would give me a hard time. But I felt good that - even though I didn't feel optimistic - I acted it. And the result was a pleasant exchange and we all went on our way.

How often do we let negative expectations cause negative behavior? How often do we let negative expectations create negative results? If you're like me, it's more often than I like to admit. And yet, when I work to overcome negative expectations and project positive behavior, I am pleasantly surprised. Things end up better than I expected.

What I've learned is to spend more time on positive behaviors, and less time trying to dwell on the reasons for negative expectations. How to do that?

The first step is awareness. After years of fine tuning our expectations based on our personal experience, the media, generalizations and a host of othet inputs, we act based on some really imbedded beliefs. The behaviors we adopt seem to happen so automatically we don't realize them. And those behaviors are the architects of our outcomes. Start building awareness by listening to yourself. Do you hear negative messages about how things will turn out - a sales prospect that won't buy, a proposal that will be rejected, an invitation extended but refused? If you do - and almost all of us do, you've got some expectation and behavior work to do.

Now that you've identified a negative expectation, it's time to create a positive behavior to overcome it. Look back at the sales call, the proposal, the invitation and see what could have been done to project a behavior that expressed a positive outcome. Perhaps that question that started "Would you like to-----?' could be stated differently. That proposal that apologized for the time it took to present it would have been better served with a statement of benefit. Perhaps that sales call that started with a thank you for your time could have started with a positive statement of value to the prospect. The point is to replace behavior based on negative expectations with behavior based on what we desire to be the outcome.

The next step is to learn from the result of the positive behavior - help the outcome challenge the beliefs and biases that led to the negative expectation in the first place. But don't try to over analyze where the expectation came from. Use the time to create and reinforce positive behaviors. Done often enough, the outcomes of the positive behaviors will change expectations. That's what's so great about having your actions lead your expectations.

Then do it again - and again. I guarantee positive results. I know a smile and an engaging question - "How are you doing?" work wonders with contacts. I learned it by forcing myself to use it - again and again. My expectation of people contacts has changed for the better - through my own positive actions. So will yours.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: http://www.coxconsultgroup.com/; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved

Leaders Know High Expectations Lead to High Performance

Leaders know high expectations lead to high performance. Leaders know that the more people believe in themselves, and their leaders believe in them, the more they will accomplish - at all levels.

We often think of leadership in terms of the Jack Welch's; the leaders of the military; the leaders of our government and institutions; the leaders of our industries. But leadership doesn't come in any particular wrapper - it shows up all over the place.

Let me share a story of real leadership:

A young girl, in second grade in a small town in Wisconsin was tested and classified as a below grade level student. That designation put her in an educational wasteland. Not much expected of her, not much effort spent on her development. Her parents discovered she had a vision problem - she had been accommodating it by memorizing everything. It caught up with her in second grade. Her parents fixed the vision problem. Her parents talked to the school, but they were firm in their decision to keep her in a below grade level class. The young girl had a hard time thinking of herself as being as good as other kids - after all, her school said she wasn't up to standard. And now she was the only kid in class with glasses.

After this young girl had completed fourth grade, her family moved to California. It was a good time to let this young girl catch her breath academically, and so she repeated fourth grade. No onus on it - she was in a completely different place.

And then the stars aligned and this young girl met the leader who would take her to a new place in her life.

Her fourth grade teacher was Mrs. Kruger. A former military nurse who had been in the South Pacific during WW II. No nonsense, firm, tough. On parents night she warned all parents to let her students be accountable for their actions. If a student forgot their lunch, don't bring it to school. They won't starve. Let the kids know they are responsible for their own actions. There were no below grade level kids in Mrs Kruger's world. The young girl did forget her lunch early in the year. She came home hungry, but she never forgot it again.

Mrs Kruger taught from high expectations. If an assignment was turned in that didn't meet her expectations for that student, they got to do it over, and over, and over - until she was satisfied that they had done their best work. The young girl was forced to redo her work often, and she didn't always like it. But the work she turned in after being forced to redo it was always better for the extra effort - and she saw that - and knew hard work resulted in accomplishment.

There was no horseplay in Mrs Kruger's class - no disrespect. She simply would not let it happen. Her class was a demanding, but safe place for her students to learn. She was energetic, critical, optimistic, and a wonderful teacher for this little girl. Her students respected and feared her - although she never threatened or used force of any kind. She just demanded her students do their best - even if they weren't convinced they could do better. And when they did, she recognized them with praise.

After a year with Mrs Kruger, this young lady had achieved a three grade level improvement in reading, writing and arithmetic. It wasn't easy - she worked really hard. But she knew she had performed - and what a change that made in her feelings about herself.

From that start - from that year with Mrs Kruger, this young woman went on to Honors Level classes in high school, to graduating from Boston College, and to getting her Masters in Special Education from Simmons College in Boston.

We're very proud of our daughter- and we're very thankful that she had the opportunity to spend a year of her young life learning from Mrs Kruger - a true leader.

There are so many qualities that a leader may possess - but the qualities of optimism; of demanding and expecting the best; of rewarding accomplishment; rank at the very top of the leadership list.

Take a look at how much you expect from yourself - and from others. If there is room for improvement, think of this story of Mrs Kruger, who made such a difference in our daughter's life - and then go out and make it happen.

Do it today. We all can be Mrs Kruger in our own way.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: http://www.coxconsultgroup.com/; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

Leaders Set Goals To Define Priorities

Setting goals as the way to create priorities, whether in business or in personal life, is what leaders do to maintain direction and focus in their organizations and in their personal lives. Unfortunately, many managers take a tremendous amount of potential leverage out of their organizations by not prioritizing.

I had a boss whose standard answer to "What's the most important thing?" was "Everything's the most important thing." What a copout. We were in a crisis mode and there was a lot to get done, but what that "Everything is important" direction led to was a lot of counterproductive behavior - hunker down and keep the boss off your butt by being busy all the time - 24/7 - and ride it out. Do what you're told to do, and then ask "What's next?" After a year of that no leverage management style he was fired - but not until some very good people had left the organization.

Managers that take the "everything is Number 1" approach are often rewarded for being tough, no nonsense, aggressive problem solvers. The fact that many of the problems they solved were created by them seems to go unnoticed. Actually, instead of leadership, they use a brute force approach to getting things done. That often works in a crisis situation, but when everything becomes a crisis, those managers lose their effectiveness and their people become cynical about how they are treated. Brute force managers rarely have goals they share with people, and even more rarely do they have their people participate in any meaningful way in setting goals and priorities. To many of them, sharing information and open communication are threats to their control. Many of them are quite happy with a compliance level workforce - the "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it" people. There is no leverage in the Brute Force management style.

How do effective leaders create priorities that maximize their own effectiveness and the effectiveness of their organization?

They start with a clear understanding of what the three to five most important things are, both personally and professionally. This is tough - there are always many more issues vying for attention than there are resources available to address them. The leader makes the tough decisions - the Brute Force manager doesn't.

Then the leader enlists people in the areas of importance to help arrive at ways to succeed in meeting the most important requirements.

Then the leader creates and communicates and negotiates goals that support the most important three to five issues, or challenges, or opportunities.

The goals are used to create supporting goals, expectations and understandings of importance in the universe of people that can contribute to meeting the goal.

Then leaders act - and expect action from their people.


Leaders protect their own time, and the time of their people, so that maximum focus can be kept on the critical few, and not frittered away on the unimportant many.

And then leaders evaluate, change if change is necessary, and continue to use the process as the basis for action throughout their organization.

And they insist that this process be kept as simple as possible - minimum bureaucracy here. Don't wait for an enterprise wide software system to capture all the data and signups and goal statements. More good goal setting systems have drowned of their own administrative weight than for any other reason. Leaders fight that. Leaders know the critical intersection in goal setting and prioritizing is at the person to person level - not at the form completion and submission point.

And the resulting action they get is so different from the "Tell me what to do and I'll do it" people. Lots of leverage in a shared goal environment - on both a personal and work level.

Leaders know most people want to help, want to contribute, want to be involved in a worthy enterprise, want to be recognized for their contribution. Leaders also know most people work best and most effectively where they have structure and an understanding of what needs to be done. Once they have that, great things start to happen! They no longer have to say "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it" - they know the priorities and what is most important. They can use the freedom that knowledge provides to keep their eyes on the few big balls - and not be distracted by all the little balls that will always bounce around and take up all the time people will let them take up.

Leaders also know there are times when brute force may be the only appropriate tactic - a public safety health product recall, a natural disaster, a systems failure, a fire - all call for everybody pitching in to get things done - whatever that means. But leaders know the brute force tactic is the exception to the rule, and is only used when absolutely necessary. And their people know it - and rather than take it as just another in a long line of fire drills, they pitch in and know their efforts will be part of a worthy enterprise's efforts to succeed. The result is maximum leverage when needed.

If you work or live in an "Everything is important" situation, be careful of burning out. If you can take what leaders do and apply it to your work and your personal situation two things will happen - you'll have more time for the really important things, and your personal and professional success will increase - I guarantee it. And on those brute force days, or weeks, keep the leader's model of goals to priorities firmly in your sights - and get back to it as soon as possible. Start today.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph:602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

Confusing Hope and Intentions With Results

I recently bought, at a garage sale, an almost new Nordic Track Achiever Cross Country Ski exerciser. Perfect condition, hardly any wear on it all all. Still stiff from not being used. Paid $40 for a $500 machine - great deal for me!! I wonder just how many millions - possibly billions of dollars have been spent on exercise machines that now occupy the furthest corners of basements and attics and garages ? I call them the "feel good" machines.

The purchasers really felt good when they bought them. The act of buying had value in itself. They were on their way to better health, weight loss, attractiveness.

They were all bought with the best of intentions and expectations. Buying them was the first step to the result of self improvement. Then, for 90% of the purchasers, the next step, persistent action, proved too difficult, and the machines were left in place until facing them and failing to use them became so burdensome that they were hidden away. Some got sold to second hand stores, some given to Goodwill, some sold throught ads, some at garage sales. All of these exercise machines have one thing in common - the purchasers confused hope and intention with action and results. Their purchases were emotional - based on the best of reasons, and then abandoned to the scrap heap. I wonder what I would have to pay to corner the market on gently used Thighmasters?

There are lots of other examples of this behavior - purchasing something to give ourselves the feeling that we had taken action to solve a problem. I 'm looking at software to learn Spanish and French - I installed it on my computer - I wanted to learn two foreign languages - that's as far as I got. They've been on my computer for two years now - I still haven't studied them.

How many books have been purchased based on the emotional appeal of losing weight, getting rich, investing like the pros, becoming a successful leader, or being able to raise kids the "right" way? Every purchase represented hope - hope that the contents will improve the readers condition. But, just like the exercise machines, that's as far as most people get - and the second hand stores are full of barely opened copies.

Companies are no different - take safety as an example. Rersearch has shown that 90% of accidents at work are due to unsafe acts, but most safety expenditures are for equipment, not to develop safer behaviors.

Cars are another example - more and more safety equipment, more and more regulation designed to make driving safer, and yet the primary reason for accidents remains unsafe acts by the nut behind the wheel.

So what's this rant about? It's about recognizing that the purchase of something is a good thing - if it leads to commitment and resolve to see your hope and dreams through to completion. It means I won't be finding many more $500 Nordic Tracks for $40, and a lot more Thighmasters will break from use, but that just means more people translated dreams into realities - and good for them!

Look in your own bookcases, in your attics and garages and basements, then resolve to use what you bought when your were full of hope. Do it - today.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph:602-795-4200; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

Focus - What You Think Is What You Get

Ever noticed how - when you really, really want something, and you focus your thinking on getting it and all the good that it will bring, that more often than not it comes true. On the other hand, have you ever noticed that when you want something and think about all the things that could go wrong, they do?

A friend is a mountain biker. He says every time he concentrates on a rock in his path, he ends up riding over it. A fly fisherman friend says every time he thinks about snagging in the tree behind him when he casts , he ends up snagging that tree. A gymnast friend tells me he won't allow hmself to think about falling off the still rings, because if he does, he will end up falling off.
What we think is what we get.

A dear friend confides in me that his expectation when he meets new people is that it will result in a negative situation - indifference, dismissal, or some other combination of negative outcomes. He has absolutely no reason to feel that way - but he does. His interactions with new people usually end up with him being pleasantly surprised that the other person was friendly. But his thinking of negative expectations keeps him fom seeking out new people in his life.

One of the key steps to success is being able to cut through all of our self imposed crap and examine the kinds of thinking we do. Do a self examination - be brutally honest with yourself. After all, you don't have to share your findings with anyone other than yourself. Find out if your focus and thinking takes you toward what you want, or keeps you from getting there. It's not an easy exercise, and the longer you have been thinking negative self thoughts the longer it may take to overcome them. But the reward for your effort will really be worth it - I guarantee it.

Start today - start now - do it!

Celebrate Small Successes - Today's Successes

You know the sayings - you eat an elephant a bite at a time; a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Well, they're true - and we need to keep reminding ourselves of how true they are. Translating those sayings into our every day habits of thought can be difficult, particularly when faced with a BHAG - a Big Hairy Audacious Goal - but it's critical we do that.

Those daily successes are the basis for those BHAG's. Without the day to day successes, the BHAG's don't happen.

A client company I was working with were looking to save $2 million through cost reductions in a year - a lot of money for a $90 million a year enterprise - a BHAG. At the very first meeting of the team assigned to define how to save that money, one of the first proposals offered by the team had a value of $50,000 in real savings in the first year. The CFO responded by saying he was looking for real savings, not such small amounts! The CEO didn't respond to that comment. No further proposed cost savings were made by the team. The meeting ended.

In talking to the team they explained that all of the other cost savings they were going to propose were smaller than the $50, 000 proposal that had received such a negative response. Based on the CFO's input, they weren't willing to bring them up. I asked how many proposals they had defined and developed. They had nine solid proposals amounting to cost savings in the first year of $375,000 - almost 20% of the $2 million goal! Not exactly chicken feed!

We met with the CEO and the CFO and talked about expectations, team motivation, and how to get to $2 million in savings. The CEO and CFO were eager to get to $2 million fast, or they and/or the business would not survive. They had been disappointed when the team came up with a proposal for just $50,000. They had hoped for 10 times that amount. When they found out that the team had identified $375,000 in savings in a short time, their expectations changed. They were able to see the value in supporting a series of small - compared to original expectations, successes as the way to the BHAG. The team succeeded in meeting and exceeding the $2 million goal.

We need to see the big picture, but the big picture is composed of a lot of small pictures. Take the time to identify those small pictures and celebrate their achievement - it creates the energy and commitment and passion to press on until the big picture is achieved.

Do it today.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032, Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: andycox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Ciopyright 2006. All Rights Reserved