Hat's Off To The Doers

As the aftermath of the hurricanes along the Gulf Coast continues to unfold, the thing that is so compelling is the difference in the way people deal with their issues.

It's always dangerous to oversimplify and label behaviors, but the group that stands out, for me, in the aftermath of the hurricanes are the "doers." The mostly anonymous, unheralded, boots on the ground people rebuilding their lives and the lives of others.

Victims wait for someone to take care of them - someone to take action to see that their needs are met. They ask the question " Why Me?"," What did I do to deserve this?", " When is someone going to do something?" They wait for someone else to take charge of their needs.

The doers take action - no matter how small, to start the process of rebuilding. Many could fall into the trap of complaining and despair- but they know that will only waste one of the most precious things they have - their own energy and hope for a positive future.

Unfortunately, the victims get a lot more press time than the doers - the doers are too busy picking up sticks, getting supplies to others, tearing down dangerous structures, providing help and comfort to the sick, injured and displaced. The doers know that personal action breeds hope and energy. They know that waiting for someone else to act is a sure way to be disappointed and frustrated. They know the only security they have is in their own accomplishments. Doers fill voids - and become leaders by example. They make things happen - some in remarkable ways - most in really unremarkable ways.

As the institutions of government and the press continue to place blame - and there certainly is plenty to go around, it would be easy to take the position that this is a hopeless mess. And I suspect many have thrown up their hands and said that - and decided to move on - or to slide into despair- or to stop hoping. After all, if the government can't get it going, how can an individual stand a chance?

Don't count the doers in that group. They may complain about things, but they take pride in getting things done - often in spite of the best efforts of the institutions to make them follow the rules. They are resourceful - if one thing doesn't work - try something else. And if that doesn't work - go on to option three. Doers aren't easily discouraged - they persist because they know persistence is the essential ingredient to accomplishment.

Hundreds of thousands of doers are working on the aftermath of the hurricanes and other disasters throughout the world - actually, there are probably millions of doers who are - right now- making a difference in bringing life a little closer to normal for themselves and those around them.

The greatest thing about all these doers is the fact that they come from every kind of background, every kind of education, every kind of economic circumstance, every ethnic, religious and racial background. Some are high profile, most are not. Some lead in positions of authority, most do not. Many have been made materially poor by the disasters - but they refuse to be poor in spirit. And they won't stay poor for long - they have too much to offer.

I gotta tell you - these people are the backbone of our country - the real reason we can absorb so many difficulties and still explore space, and open a new, privately funded aquarium in Atlanta, and continue to grow economically, and fight a war, and survive the brutal divisions the press promotes every day.

Hats off to the doer's - thank you for all you are.

Thinking Outside The Box - How Do I Get Outside The Box?

My wife had a pretty little turquoise and silver bracelet. After wearing it one day she discovered she couldn't get it off. It was stuck and the clasp wouldn't budge. Calling on my vast experience as a fixer of broken things, she asked me to unstick it. I failed. She wore it to bed that night. She didn't sleep well - the bracelet was just tight enough to be irritating. The next morning she declared it had to come off. We looked at it - we both tried to get the clasp to work - to no avail. It wasn't so valuable that we should take it to a jeweler. That damn clasp just wouldn't move. We ended up cutting it off with a bolt cutters. And as soon as we did, the part of the bracelet that we thought was the hinge fell off - and we discovered we had been trying to open the wrong end of the clasp!

Have you ever done something like that? Have you ever zeroed in on something and just had to act based on what you saw - and later discovered that there were other ways to deal with the issue? Is that thinking in the box? I think so.

Another example. We use a picture in our seminars that illustrates how differently the same object can be viewed by two people. The picture is a black and white drawing of an old woman - or a young woman - or both an old and a young woman, depending on how you see it. In my experience, when first shown the picture, about half see the young woman, and about half see the old woman. Very few see both women in the picture. (Send me a request through "comments" with your E mail address and I will send you a copy of the picture). And once people have "locked in" on a particular view, it is very difficult for them to see the other woman, even after they are told she is in the picture. It is only after carefully pointing out the different outlines that people begin to see the other picture - the one they did not see originally. Once again, we get so locked in on that first impression that we find it hard to see any other view.

How do we overcome that very human behavior? It's easy to say "Think outside the box" - but how do we do it?

I suggest the very best way to think outside your box is to think inside some else's. How do you do that? Going back to the young lady/old lady exercise: when one person says they see an old lady, and another says they see a young lady, rather than insist on the rightness of their own personal observations, the effective people share information, struggle through their own first impression, and come to a broader interpretation of the picture. That's getting in someone else's box, and letting them get in yours. The payoff - more possibilities, better information, and personal growth.

The essential attributes to think outside the box are: communication skills - particularly listening, being open to changing your position when that makes sense, developing relationships with others that allow an interchange of information, and a real respect for the values of others. It takes the wilingness to use the most feared words in many people's vocabulary - "What do you think?"

If you are looking for a powerful way to ijncrease your personal effectiveness, this may be it. Try it!

Busy, But Not Effective

On Martha Stewart's Apprentice two night's ago, the stark contrast between the two teams had my wife and I predicting the winner just a few minutes into the show. When Sarah set up a "brainstorming" session with everyone flying solo, I couldn't believe it. Sarah - brainstorming is not meditation. And then to decide (and I use that term loosely) on an approach that did not center on the BRAND - wow!!
Two team members were sent out to a costume shop to get ideas, and the first idea - the boxing gloves to "knock out" stains, was nixed without discussion. Bad move!!
So what does this have to do with Busy, But Not Effective? I think it was Stephen Covey who coined the phrase "In the thick of thin things."
Enter Carrie - our accountant for the day. What a great example of being in the thick - of thin things. A marketing challenge, a small budget, no revenue from the task - and Carrie becomes the controller of the funds. Fully engaged - watching the money like a hawk - every dime will be accounted for - and the task is a fiasco. Thanks, Carrie, for a zero contribution. OK - 10% contribution. She worked hard - she just didn't engage in important activities.
My theory as to why she got fired: when Carrie's behavior showed her willingness to accept a low value, low contribution role on a failed project, she became just as vulnerable as the Project Manager. There were a lot of high value contributions she could have made - she chose not to. So long, Carrie - leaders don't shrink from high value contributions. If counting the beans is important to you, at least do it where it is important to the enterprise

Self Esteem, Friend or Foe

Watching Marcus on The Apprentice last night was painful. For weeks he has been the super square peg in the round hole, but circumstances kept him in play. Just like lots of people in their jobs. And, frankly, I thought he was going to get through another week. There was a lot of blame to go around.
But Marcus managed to communicate so poorly, and contribute so little, that he got fired.
What is so striking about Marcus is that he simply did not have a clue! He appeared so sure of his own position and contribution that the firing was simply, in his mind, a mistake. And yet, to everyone else, the fact that he was surprised came as a surprise!
My opinion is that Marcus has a crippingly high level of self esteem - he fully and completely believes in himself and the rightness of his ways. That's a good thing - nothing better than a healthy dose of self esteem. The operative word is healthy. To know in your own mind that you are worthy and able is a great help - but not essential. Lots of people have overcome low self esteem and become very successful.
Marcus, on the other hand, seems to have such a high opinion of his own value that he doesn't see the world in real terms - only in terms that fit him. These kinds of people can be maddening - I'll bet everyone knows at least one or two people like Marcus. They feel no one else gets it, when they're the ones who don't. Self Esteem becomes a foe when the level is so high that "nothing gets through." Marcus, to me, is a perfect example of a very bright, creative person who simply cannot work with a group. Put Marcus on a project where his only contact with others is to get help on his terms, and he may be effective. Unfortunately, I can't think of too many of those opportunities in life.
Good luck Marcus - I hope you get to know yourself as the first step to being successful. It ain't going to be easy!

My Behavior, My Choices

I am hiking on a trail in the Phoenix Park Preserve. A narrow trail over rugged terrain on the side of a hill. Two young women - twenty somethings - are coming toward me- I get off the trail to let them pass; as they get near me I smile and say Hello, they keep talking, don't even look at me, pass by and continue their hike. I get back on the trail, shake my head and continue on. Am I weird to be a little put off by that behavior? I was taught that a simple acknowledgment of a fellow human being was good manners, and yet I see this kind of behavior quite often - and it bugs me!!
A mountain biker approaches me in the same Preserve and I have to step off the trail to let him pass, with no acknowledgemnt from him -that happens with at least 50% of the bikers!!
I have a choice - I can let their behavior bother me - and possibly reduce the fun of hiking, or I can just go forward with my own behavior, but with no expectation that others will act the way I act. Best choice - no expectations.
Peter Senge, in his terrific book "The Fifth Discipline" says " scratch a cynic and you will find a frustrated idealist who made the mistake of letting their ideals become their expectations." So true. I don't want to be a cynic.
God, am I good, or what? A confession - while I try to make that choice of no expectations whenever I hike, I don't always succeed. And you know the only person affected negatively by that - me.
I wonder how many of the people who pass by without a greeting do the same thing in other parts of their lives, and then wonder why people don't engage with them more easily.
Secret - if you want to know how you impact people, watch how they impact you. People respond in kind - they really do - 95% of the time!!
The first secret to developing better personal skills is getting to know yourself better, and how you impact people. And then treating others the way you want to be treated.
Long way from a hike in the Phoenix Park Preserve - but not so far in looking at behaviors.