Five Ways To Gain Self-Knowledge - Key To Success

Accurate self knowledge is the key to successful relationships. Notice the use of accurate? Who you think you are and who others think you are is often very different. The closer our understanding of our own behaviors, attitudes and personal skills is to how others perceive us, the better our chances for success - in anything.

Most people agree with that statement. But most people never seek out anything other than affirmation of who they think they are. There can be no increase in self knowledge with that approach. Some people will tell you they really don't care what others think. In most cases, that's not true.

See if any of the following three profiles are familiar to you.

The first person works in real estate sales. She prides herself on being honest and straightforward with her potential clients. She tells it like it is. She feels she may lose some sales with that approach, but people who understand her will be impressed by her integrity and buy from her. She sells, but she loses a lot of sales. To many of the people she does not sell, she comes across as blunt, arrogant, unwilling to listen, and only interested in what she has to say. She was stunned when she found that out. She didn't accept that feedback. She continues to sell, works very hard, but will never rise above her current level of accomplishment until she accepts that what she sees in herself and what others see is very different, and keeps her from reaching her potential.

The second profile is of a former client who instantly takes charge of any situation he sees as calling for leadership. With imperfect knowledge but with total conviction of the rightness of his ways, he goes about solving the problems of others. He has done this so often with his company's clients that his sales people dread taking him on a sales call. He sees himself as possessing a caring, kind, sharing, concerned approach that is only meant to help people that are less capable than himself. He's been fired from top level jobs five times. He is truly a legend in his own mind - and not the least interested in self - knowledge. His termination record speaks for itself.

The third profile is of a client who is a true subject matter expert - someone people should seek out to get information. She takes pride in her knowledge, and is constantly working to expand it. She is quiet, self effacing, and was one of the most judgmental people you could ever meet. She constantly found fault with others who didn't measure up to her high standards. In fact, she didn't measure up to her own high standards. She saw herself as open, willing to listen and be helpful to whoever asked. Others saw her as cold, aloof, judgmental and patronizing. When she got feedback on how others saw her, she was first shocked, then chose to seek out information that would validate the feedback, or dismiss it. Now she works hard to be accessible and share without judgment. In fact, she's made the study of human behavior one of her passions. She's on the right track.

All three people share one thing - they all can benefit from a strong dose of accurate self - knowledge. Unfortunately, only one is open to gaining it. That's fairly typical. For the one willing to open herself to input, the rewards can be amazing. For the others, nothing much changes, and neither does their situation. Too bad.

Ann Landers wrote a piece of advice about self-knowledge: " Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." It's funny - but its true. If the only thing we are willing to accept as true is affirmation, we miss opportunities to gain in self-knowledge.

Here are five suggestions to help gain more accurate self - knowledge:

1 - Seek out feedback on situations. and be ready to not be defensive. Ask people you trust questions like " How could that situation have been dealt with differently?" " What would you suggest as a different approach?" "How would you have handled it?" The answers will contain clues to how you are perceived. Make sure not to try to defend what you did. That's a sure way to shut off meaningful feedback.

2 - Identify the "Universe" of people that you work with and /or associate with. They are key to helping gain self-knowledge. Participate in a 360 degree exercise with carefully selected members of your "Universe." These exercises can be valuable - dependent on the participants, the facilitator, and the situation. Look for a process that is highly developed - and insist on a one on one debrief with a skilled facilitator.

3 - Seek out assessments of Behaviors - what people observe; Attitudes and Values - what drives or creates behaviors; and Personal Skills - what you're good at and not so good at. The use of a third party allows space to discuss the results and focus on the assessments reports as a means of discussing what might otherwise be hard to deal with issues.

4 - Seek out new experiences and people. Once relationships are established, we tend to flex to meet the needs of where we are. Often, the result is that we adapt and lose sight of who we are - to ourselves and to others. New people, places and experiences provide a chance to try different ways, and gain more self - knowledge

5 - Realize that increased self-knowledge doesn't mean changing . It may result in a change in who we think we are, and then using that more accurate perception to develop success in ways we never dreamed of.

Accurate self - knowledge is a key to success. Gain as much as you can by being open to inputs that may seem like criticism. The seeds of self - knowledge are more often found there than in affirmation. Start today to learn more about the single most important person in the world to you - yourself.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: http://www.coxconsultgroup.com/; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved

How To Create Survival Tools For Tough Times

Tough times are a big part of what makes us successful, as survivors and leaders. Getting through them effectively and positively depends on how we treat that space. Our personal survival tools go a long way to getting us through tough times. Some may call them coping tools - they're much more than that. We're talking about tools to help us stay positive and focused and optimistic.

Developing powerful survival tools starts with the realization that what you expect is what you get. Think positive expectations and get more than your share of them. But most of us are conditioned to think pessimistically - to expect the worst outcome. Take a look at all the media inputs we get every day for one major source of our negative conditioning.

So how do we overcome all the negative inputs directed at us every day, and create our own survival and success tools? The answer to that question is a very personal one - every one of us has our own unique set of experiences, perceptions, values and attitudes, and they all drive how we will create our own tools. The important thing is to create your own tools, and keep them shiny with use.

Here are a dozen suggestions from many of the leaders we have worked with that have helped them with their tough times.

Realize that "this too shall pass." During tough times it's hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. It's there - be convinced of it - but you gotta look for it and work toward it.

Avoid negative influences and their effects - the news, the toxic people you may have to associate with, drugs and alcohol. Seek out positive people and messages - wherever you can find them.

Express your goals and expectations in positive ways - focus on where you're going, not what you want to stay away from.

Know that giving in to despair and pessimism is very human - even the most positive do that. It's the overcoming of those emotions through action that lifts you up.

Ask for help. Realize that the highest order of relationships is interdependence. Most people are anxious to give - if we let them know by asking. We can't assume others know what is going on in our heads - they don't.

Give without calculating return. Nothing can help to get through tough times more than helping someone else get through their tough times. Giving comes in so many different ways - but you know it when you see it.

Don't compare. It's easy to fall into the trap of seeing others who seem to be on top of the world, and feeling envious toward them. A human emotion, but destructive. Realize that everyone of us carries around our own burdens - who are we to judge the weight of another's?

Kick start every day by creating positive space. A friend starts his days with high energy, positive music. He gets up with positive energy and a head start on positive emotions. I have written about Ray Stevens song "Everything Is Beautiful In Its Own Way." I hear that song and it just lifts me up - makes me smile - gives me a blast of positive energy.

Dream - just don't dream of things that never were or never will be. Dreams are a sign of hope - a precious commodity during the tough times we all face. As Rudyard Kipling wrote in his famous poem "If" - "If you can dream, and not let dreams become your master."

Start and end every day with a success - as you define success. The very act of getting up and getting going can be a success - each of us has to define what success is. But be convinced that in every day there are the seeds of success - and look for them. Exercise is a great daily success - it's personal, requires action, and results in physical well being.

Create rewards. They don't have to be big, but they are your own recognition of a job well done - a day well spent - fears faced and overcome. Many leaders find keeping a journal of accomplishments and challenges helps them reward themselves by writing it down.

If you see ways these suggestions can help during tough times - and - by the way - during non- tough times as well, then start using them today. Not a single dollar needs to be spent in order to use any of them. And if you would like to share your own ideas, I'd welcome hearing from you.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4100; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: http://www.coxconsultgroup.com/; Blog: http/::multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved

Ten Key Questions - Do I Stay Or Do I Leave?

So much is written about finding the right job, the right relationship, the right career. Little is written about how to know when to stay the course or move on. Knowing when to move on - look for new opportunities, relationships, and challenges - is critical to success. Commitment to goals; not wanting to leave a job undone; loyalty to people and organizations; a sense of obligation; all play a huge role in deciding when to move on or when to persist. The other alternative - the military calls it "R. I.P - Retire In Place" - isn't worth discussing.


I have a very close friend who is wrestling with whether or not to move on. She has worked hard for three years to make a success of a new branch of her employers business. For the first two years she was applauded and rewarded for the growth and success of her branch. Unfortunately, due to circumstances out of her control, the revenue requirements for continuing the business are not being met. She works hard - long hours - and continues to promote and market her branch - albeit with declining support from the staff people at the headquarters location. There are solutions to the low revenue situation, but they require an expenditure of capital to make the enterprise more attractive and to expand its offerings. Others agree with that - but in today's economic climate it's not going to happen.


She worries that decisions will be made that are not, in her opinion, the right ones for the long term growth of her business. She worries that if she does leave, the branch will suffer. She's at that fork in the road - stay and persist, or look for new opportunities.


For most people, particularly where there has been a high level of commitment to their enterprise, staying or leaving requires a close analysis of what will be - in the end - an emotional decision.

To help make that decision, here are ten question sets. They were developed from discussions with leaders who shared with us the decision making processes they used in deciding to stay or move on.


1 - What are my goals and how are they affected by staying - or leaving? Note - If your goals aren't clear, or if you don't have them, the first step is to get or clarify personal goals. Without clear goals, it's difficult to plot a best course.


2 - Am I convinced that I am adding value in my current situation? Just as importantly, do others share that view? What have I been able to accomplish in the last six months?


3 - What is the price of staying? What are the rewards for staying?


4 - What is the price of leaving? What are the rewards for leaving?


5 - What changes can I make in the current situation that would cause me to stay? Are they realistic and do I want to pursue change?

6 - Is staying a matter of comfort, or a matter of commitment?

7 - Have I given it my best shot? Have I had the opportunity to give it my best shot?

8 - Every endeavor has its ups and downs - am I just reacting to frustration - and is there enough reason to feel things will get better - or is that simply wishful thinking?

9 - Have I given it enough time? How much time is enough time?

10 - Are there mitigating circumstances that affect me - like health, family, money? If there are and I stay because of them, can I continue to operate at a high level of commitment?

There are no right or wrong answers. The important point, as the leaders that shared their thinking made clear, is that this kind of self examination be made. It's critical to making the best possible decision, and taking as much of the spur of the moment emotion out of it as possible.

We all find ourselves in stay or go situations - be it job, relationship, career - from time to time. When that happens, use these question sets in arriving at the best possible choice. And then don't look back. No regrets.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032; Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: http://www.coxconsultgroup.com/; Blog: http://multiplysuccess/. blogspot.com

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved

Goal Setting - Six Steps To Keeping Focus

We ask every leader we work with what they would do more of, better, or more often when they look back on their career, and the top answer is "Focus." When asked how they would do that, they answer that they would be even more goal oriented than they had been. In their opinion, goals create focus that creates accomplishment. With so many demands intruding or attempting to intrude on their attention and energies, goals that create focus are their firewall, and their primary path to success.

Given that so many highly successful people look to goals for focus, why is it that so many organizations and people can't state their personal goals or the goals of their organization - let alone how their personal goals align with their organizational goals?

One reason given is time - "We don't have time for that - we're too busy. " Another reason (read excuse) given is the belief that an individual has no control over their future - too many things outside a person's control can cause things to change, so just go with the flow.

It turns out that most people spend more time focused on planning a two week vacation than they do planning their career. I suspect that's because planning a vacation is controllable, pleasant, and near term - it's easy to focus on it.

But to succeed and prosper, it's vitally important to have a personal set of goals. - they keep us in the game - whatever game is being played. And personal goals that closely align with organizational goals create a tremendous amount of energy, commitment and focus.

Personal goals are even more important when organizational goals don't exist, or aren't expressed, or exist in name only. It's very tempting in those cases to simply give in to the flow of the day to day, and go with whatever comes along - with little if any focus.

Goals help balance the very human tendency to be distracted by the pressing, in - your - face things that happen every day - it's called being "flexible." Flexibility can be a strength, but it can also be a weakness - when flexing becomes a habit and we look back and see that flexing took us far away from where we wanted to be or needed to be.

A friend shared a joke with me that illustrates that point - "Inside every 65 year old is a 40 year old wondering what the hell happened?"

Focus is the difference between wondering what the hell happened, and landing where you wanted to land. It's the difference between throwing a touchdown pass - or throwing a superball - and watching it bounce every which way - with high energy, but with no idea where it will land - and what good - or damage - it will do.

Here are six steps to create focus:

1 - Write down where you want to be in one month, six months, one year, three years and five years. I know, it sounds like a lot of work. It is. But I can tell you from personal experience that those time frames will blow right past you if you don't take the time to plan them now. And you'll end up like that 65 year old wondering what happened.

2 - Define how your source of income - your job - your profession - fits into your own goals. How do your work goals fit in with your personal goals? Are they the same? How can they come together in the near term to provide long term benefit? The closer your personal goals align with the goals of your organization or profession, the better your chances of accomplishing them. This is the key to focus - being convinced and directed to success through goals that embrace you personally and professionally.

3 - Start with short term goals, but with the end in mind. Weekly, monthly, quarterly. Define the top 3 to 5 things that you need to do now to get you to where you want to be. No more than 3 to 5 - and 5 is a stretch. Remember, you can only really focus on doing one thing at a time. There is no more powerful way to become discouraged than to "over goal" yourself at this stage.

4 - Express your goals in positive terms. Express your goals in terms of what you want to achieve as opposed to what you want to avoid or get rid of. Optimism loves positive outcomes - work to think in those terms.


5 - Define your goals using the SMART formula - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time - framed.

6 - Keep track. Hold yourself accountable. Review your goals at least weekly. Carry them with you wherever you go. Make them part of your thinking. Make a habit of reciting your goals and the outcomes of achieving them. Make them your way of life. And when they need to be revised - and that will happen often - just do it.

If you're feeling frustrated and busy and not sure where you're going, start this process today. It isn't easy. It requires personal discipline. It requires faith in yourself. But the rewards of a sense of purpose, focus and freedom are worth the effort. And when you look back in a few weeks to a few months, you'll be surprised at how far you've come, and making goals the cornerstone of focus will become a habit - a habit of success.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: http://www.coxconsultgroup.com/; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved

Plenty For Everybody - Project Team Success Depends On It

Project team success depends on a number of variables, but the one that shows up as most important involves the willingness of team members to collaborate. And collaboration requires a belief that there is plenty for everybody. And it's tough to spot as the reason a highly qualified, highly resourced, experienced, interdisciplinary team just did not click.

A story to illustrate, followed by eight recommendations for project team selection and success.

A client asked me to work with a team that just didn't meet expectations. A critical project, lots of resources, clearly defined roles, clearly stated objectives, experienced people that could see the problem from many sides, more than enough time and money resources and top management visibility; this team had it all. And yet, output just didn't meet what was expected - the team members agreed expectations were high, but achievable.

So what was the problem? In many of these kinds of situations there are any number of factors that can lead to poor performance. But lack of collaboration and sharing is always at or near the top. In this case, it was the single over-arching reason for the lack of performance. In this team of six high achievers were two that had been highly successful as individual contributors, but had little experience - or interest - in working in a collaborative setting. Their input was critical to the team, but they were reluctant to provide much, unless they received credit and recognition for their individual contributions. The other four members of the team were used to sharing, had been successful at it, and assumed all team members shared that value. Wrong. These two highly successful individual contributors saw the others as competitors - competitors for credit, recognition, rewards.

They really didn't believe there was enough for everybody. And because of that belief, there wasn't. Every member of the team ended up keeping their cards and self interest close to their vests, and little information and sharing occurred. Little leverage.

It only takes one or two negatively competitive types on any team to really screw it up. That had happened with this team.

I'd like to report that the two "not enough for everybody's" were turned around.. They weren't. They were released from the team and replaced by two people with the ability to collaborate and share - and the team ended up meeting expectations.

The belief that there is plenty for everybody is the cornerstone to collaboration and sharing. With the belief that there is plenty for everybody, there will be! Without it, there never can be enough. It's the difference between a glass half full or half empty. It's the difference between optimism and pessimism. It's the difference between sharing and hoarding.

So what to look for in project team members to ensure that collaboration and open communication will occur?

1 - It goes without saying that experience, education, industry experience, technical skills, are all critical - I don't care how collaborative and sharing someone may be - or how much they may believe there is plenty for everybody - if they aren't perceived as bringing "chops' to the table, they can't contribute, and the seeds of discontent may be sowed among the other members.

2 - Look for people who are successful and collaborative not only in their work, but outside their work as well. Collaboration skills can be learned, but instinctive collaboration and sharing provide a huge head start. There is no better way to build collaboration skills than to work on volunteer committees, boards, church groups, non profit organizations.

3 - Remember there is no "I" in "We." Look for how accomplishments sre described. Does the person refer only to themself, or are they generous in their recognition of the contributions of others.

4 - In describing accomplishments, spend time getting to the need for sharing and collaboration in their accomplishment. Are they aware of the contribution of others. Do they seek out individual contributor roles or roles requiring group skills and abilities?

5 - Get an example of when they were a good follower - what does that mean to them? How did they perceive their own performance in supporting roles to others? Have they demonstrated the willingness and ability to follow someone else, and be supportive?

6 - Look for people who participate in collaborative and team sports or activities - where the group is dependent upon each othet for success. This does not mean golfers and tennis players and skiers don't make good collaborative teammates, but basketball, football, baseball and softball team membership provide more chances for supportive and sharing behavior.

7 - Look for "givers" - people who contribute without calculation of immediate reward. An example of this quality is the mentor who gives to others without expecting promotion, publicity or a raise in pay.

8 - And once the selections for the team are made, institute a group recognition and reward structure - give the team credit and recognition. Picking out team members for special recognition is OK if something unique happens, but too much of that behavior can breed competition in the team - and that kind of competition reduces sharing and collaboration.

Look at your own beliefs and the beliefs of your organizations. If you see "me" behaviors - and you will, work to establish the belief that there is plenty for everybody.

Written by Andy Cox, President

4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032; Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: http://www.coxconsultgroup.com/; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved