When all three are understood and aligned, a tremendous amount of personal power is generated. To the extent that the three persons are different from what their owners believe them to be, potential never becomes power – it's wasted – in sales, in relationships, in negotiations. How can there be clarity in relationships if there is poor personal clarity?
Remember the movie "Dirty Harry?" When Clint Eastwood's character, Harry, describes someone as a "legend in their own mind?" It was a funny line in the movie – not so funny in real life. We all know at least one "legend in their own mind" kind of person. They are people who don't know who they are, on any level – even though they think they do.
I have a friend who sees himself as kind, warm, caring, a good listener and particularly skilled at problem solving. He just couldn't understand why he had such poor personal relationships in the software development company where he worked. He was shocked to find out, after going through a personal assessment and 360 assessment process, that others saw him as highly controlling, a poor listener, a person you couldn’t discuss a problem with without his telling you exactly how to fix it, and a very domineering personality. Quite a gap between what he thought others thought of him and what he thought of himself. Did he change to be more like what he thought others saw? Yes and no. What he did do was take the description of how others saw him, share it , and use the knowledge he gained to better understand the effect he had on people – and the effect they had on him. His comfort zone with his friends, co workers and family went up, as did their comfort zone with him – and the differences in perceptions actually became a source of humor in their relationships. His personal power went way up – he took the time and effort to identify his three persons and share that information. People respect that.
The acquisition of the knowledge of who you are and how you impact others is powerful on all levels and in all types of relationships.
So how does one go about getting this priceless information about themselves so they can apply it to their lives, their careers and their interpersonal relationships?
Step One - You gotta want the information and you gotta commit to the time and effort it takes to get it. This sounds so obvious, but for many people self discovery is really scary, or unnecessary – because they believe they already know themselves quite well. (In my experience, the people that are most convinced that they already know themselves are the ones that would benefit the most from knowing more.) The other reason people resist this process is the concern that they will have to change. Change may be an outcome, but the software developer didn't change his behaviors, but broadened his knowledge of himself and shared that with his people.
Step Two – Take an assessment of your Behaviors, Attitudes and Motivators and Personal Skills. Use a highly validated, professionally developed assessment process that can provide you with usable information . Be prepared to be surprised at what the assessment reports tell you about you. For many people, its a real eye opener! Online personality tests are not the answer – they provide the kind of superficial information that doesn't lend itself to gaining real self knowledge.
Step Three – Enlist the help of people you trust in your process of discovery. Consider them your Mastermind group - dedicated to helping you get to know yourself better. Be sure to offer them your help in their own process of discovery. Be sure the people in your group have observed and been engaged with you at work, at play, or at home.
Step Four– Use a qualified professional and a validated 360 degree process to get feedback from your group on who they think you are. This process can be very targeted or very generic – the important thing is that your group provide information that allows you to reach a better understanding of how others see you, and adds to the body of self knowledge gained by taking the assessments.
If the use of a professional and a validated process are outside your means, do this:
- Develop a list of descriptor words or phrases that you feel describe you – no less than ten, no more than twenty – take them from your assessment report.
- Give your group three alternatives in their answers to each descriptor – either Agree, Disagree or Don't Know. Have your group complete it. Use check marks – you want to assure your group that their individual responses can't be traced to them – that guarantees getting better responses. Provide space for your group members to provide additional descriptors of how they see your behavior.
- Review and compile the results. Be prepared to be surprised.
Step Five – Whether using a professional process or a self developed process, review the results with the members of your group. This can be a tough one. It's purpose is to better understand the responses of the group – not to make individuals in the group defend their responses. In analyzing the responses, look for the biggest differences between your three persons – those give you the strongest indications of where you need to seek greater alignment.
Step Six - Set up a Personal Development plan – use the information you've gained to help guide you toward better alignment of your three persons.
At this point, you've come a long way toward creating the kind of personal clarity that leads to greater success. You now have developed priceless information that you can use every day to be more effective in your relationships. It's not easy, but the results, in so many different parts of life, are worth the emotional investment.
Written by Andy Cox, President
Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph & Fax: 602-795-4100; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com
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