Create Constructive Confrontation To Multiply Success

An expert at debating was asked what to do to win an argument when an opponents' preparation, grasp of the facts, position on the subject and conviction make them a clear favorite to win.

He advised taking five actions in order to “Win.”
1 - Attack their behavior
2 - Ridicule and dismiss or show contempt for the person and their position
3 - Question their motives
4 - Apply a negative label to them,
5 - Speak loudly and quickly

Sound familiar? In other words, practice Destructive Confrontation.

Pretty scary stuff. The debate experts' experience was that few people could stay on point while being subjected to that kind of personal attack. None of the five actions have anything to do with the merits of the positions. His experience was that even the most rational debater would at some point become emotional and defensive, and once that happened, they were finished – as far as winning the debate was concerned.

He's right – and it's not limited to the arena of debate.

Destructive Confrontation – it's the source of more negative emotions, poor communications and low productivity than any other behavior.

What's bad about it is that it has nothing to do with the merits of an argument – nothing about facts – nothing to do with gaining understanding – nothing to do with learning.

What's troubling is to see how that behavior has captured our discourse – on every level. Watch any news show, read any Opinion page in a newspaper, read any number of blogs, observe meetings where the outcome is the increase in importance of one group at the expense of another, and it becomes obvious that a large segment of our population is destructive to those who don't share their viewpoint.

It doesn't have to be that way.

“Without conflict there is no learning.” I don't know who to attribute that statement to, but I had a boss who believed in it and demanded argument and conflict as a means of creating better communications and better decision making. The workplace he created was highly productive, relationships were based on respect and trust, and it was one of the most demanding, rewarding places I ever worked. Constructive confrontation was the rule of the day – it was a behavior that produced superior results.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that the opposite of destructive confrontation is some warm, fuzzy place where we all “ just get along.” There is nothing further from the truth. Constructive confrontation is a contact behavior, and it requires a number of behaviors, beliefs and values that are opposite to destructive confrontation. For some leading organizations, it's so important that they conduct training and evaluations to ensure that it is part of their behavior. They are convinced that “without conflict there is no learning.”.

Successful organizations – and individuals - that practice Constructive Confrontation realize there are a number of factors that are critical to its effective use. Tops among them are these eight:
1 - The belief that every person's point of view brings value to decision making
2 - The self discipline to get past initial emotional reactions and deal with facts and figures
3 – Effective communications skills that can effectively express a point of view
4 - The ability to deal with things as they are – a real world view
5 - The conviction that constructive confrontation will produce better results – results with a higher chance of acceptance and success
6 – A willingness to seek out, listen to and accept alternative solutions
7 – A desire to act decisively and use Constructive Confrontation to arrive at the best possible outcome as quickly as possible
8 – The emotional maturity to look at issues as issues, without personalizing them

The encouraging thing about all eight factors is that they can be learned and acquired. There is no magic formula to developing effective Constructive Confrontation. But it is tougher to develop as a behavior than Destructive Confrontation – which comes from emotion and the all too human desire to “win” - whatever that might mean.

But contrast the effect of the two – in your personal life and in your organizational life. There really is no contest. Constructive Confrontation has the ability to create results and success. And yet, it's amazing how few are really good at it. It's a top ten percent behavior. Knowing that, ignore all the negative yelling and screaming that we hear every day and the all too human temptation to let emotions rule, and cultivate the eight factors as a means of increasing your level of success - in relationships, business, personal interests and family - and who knows -possibly even in politics.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

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