Create Constructive Confrontation To Multiply Success

An expert at debating was asked what to do to win an argument when an opponents' preparation, grasp of the facts, position on the subject and conviction make them a clear favorite to win.

He advised taking five actions in order to “Win.”
1 - Attack their behavior
2 - Ridicule and dismiss or show contempt for the person and their position
3 - Question their motives
4 - Apply a negative label to them,
5 - Speak loudly and quickly

Sound familiar? In other words, practice Destructive Confrontation.

Pretty scary stuff. The debate experts' experience was that few people could stay on point while being subjected to that kind of personal attack. None of the five actions have anything to do with the merits of the positions. His experience was that even the most rational debater would at some point become emotional and defensive, and once that happened, they were finished – as far as winning the debate was concerned.

He's right – and it's not limited to the arena of debate.

Destructive Confrontation – it's the source of more negative emotions, poor communications and low productivity than any other behavior.

What's bad about it is that it has nothing to do with the merits of an argument – nothing about facts – nothing to do with gaining understanding – nothing to do with learning.

What's troubling is to see how that behavior has captured our discourse – on every level. Watch any news show, read any Opinion page in a newspaper, read any number of blogs, observe meetings where the outcome is the increase in importance of one group at the expense of another, and it becomes obvious that a large segment of our population is destructive to those who don't share their viewpoint.

It doesn't have to be that way.

“Without conflict there is no learning.” I don't know who to attribute that statement to, but I had a boss who believed in it and demanded argument and conflict as a means of creating better communications and better decision making. The workplace he created was highly productive, relationships were based on respect and trust, and it was one of the most demanding, rewarding places I ever worked. Constructive confrontation was the rule of the day – it was a behavior that produced superior results.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that the opposite of destructive confrontation is some warm, fuzzy place where we all “ just get along.” There is nothing further from the truth. Constructive confrontation is a contact behavior, and it requires a number of behaviors, beliefs and values that are opposite to destructive confrontation. For some leading organizations, it's so important that they conduct training and evaluations to ensure that it is part of their behavior. They are convinced that “without conflict there is no learning.”.

Successful organizations – and individuals - that practice Constructive Confrontation realize there are a number of factors that are critical to its effective use. Tops among them are these eight:
1 - The belief that every person's point of view brings value to decision making
2 - The self discipline to get past initial emotional reactions and deal with facts and figures
3 – Effective communications skills that can effectively express a point of view
4 - The ability to deal with things as they are – a real world view
5 - The conviction that constructive confrontation will produce better results – results with a higher chance of acceptance and success
6 – A willingness to seek out, listen to and accept alternative solutions
7 – A desire to act decisively and use Constructive Confrontation to arrive at the best possible outcome as quickly as possible
8 – The emotional maturity to look at issues as issues, without personalizing them

The encouraging thing about all eight factors is that they can be learned and acquired. There is no magic formula to developing effective Constructive Confrontation. But it is tougher to develop as a behavior than Destructive Confrontation – which comes from emotion and the all too human desire to “win” - whatever that might mean.

But contrast the effect of the two – in your personal life and in your organizational life. There really is no contest. Constructive Confrontation has the ability to create results and success. And yet, it's amazing how few are really good at it. It's a top ten percent behavior. Knowing that, ignore all the negative yelling and screaming that we hear every day and the all too human temptation to let emotions rule, and cultivate the eight factors as a means of increasing your level of success - in relationships, business, personal interests and family - and who knows -possibly even in politics.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved

Two Special People To Learn From

I've been really fortunate to know people who have shown the kind of qualities and behaviors that have such a positive effect on so many. Here are stories of two such people whose behaviors and attitudes - in the last week – have had a positive effect on me.

Catherine M sent me an E Mail about a week ago. I didn't know her, and she knew me only from an article on respect that I had written. She was looking for help. She had had a very upsetting incident that an administrator at the school where she volunteers, and where her daughter is a student, had started. Catherine was very upset – she had been criticized in front of students and others – and when she called the administrator to talk about the event and the way it had been handled, the administrator laughed at her and treated her with disrespect. She was asking me for advice. I wasn't able to access her E mail for two days, but I sent her a response as soon as I could and promised to follow up with a further response the following day. Before I could do that, Catherine sent an E mail thanking me for my comments, and telling me that she had spent the weekend volunteering at a Pediatric ward in a hospital – helping young patients. She told me that had helped her clear her head and put what had happened in perspective. Rather than let the disrespectful actions of another pull her down, she took action and reached out and helped others. And in taking action she recovered from the hurt and embarrassment she had suffered from the administrator. As she said, she wasn't going to let someone else's actions control her emotions.

Terrific – taking action and reaching out to help others – a prescription for overcoming so much of what ails people. Congratulations, Catherine, for your maturity, honesty and respect for others.

Pat S called me the other day. He is the paper delivery person who gets our papers at our front door before 5 AM every morning. We had not received a paper one morning, and I had called to report the paper as not delivered. That was the reason for Pat's call. He was very concerned about our service. He told me he makes sure he puts the papers as close to the front door as possible – and I agreed that he does that. He was sure he delivered a paper that morning. We came to the conclusion that someone had taken the paper sometime between 4:45 AM, when he delivered, it, and 6 AM – when I went out to get it. He asked what I thought he could do to see that that didn't happen in the future. I assured him he was very diligent in delivering the paper and there seemed no action other than for me to get up earlier and retrieve the paper.

He then asked me if I shopped at a grocery store near our house. I told him I did. He told me he is the meat cutter there and works full time from noon until 8:30 PM. He asked me to stop in and say Hi, and he would be happy to help me with my shopping requirements.

Pat S works a full time job and has a paper route seven days a week. And his reason for calling was to make sure I was satisfied with his service. Our entire conversation was positive and focused on service. Terrific guy – terrific attitude. He starts his paper run at 3 AM, follows that with a full time job, and finds the time to follow up with his customers.

As long as we have people like Catherine M and Pat S we're in good shape.

Taking action, reaching out, helping others, providing excellent service, being positive. Those attitudes and behaviors are all around us. I feel fortunate for that. And I thank these two very special people for the real world examples they set for me and so many others.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved

Six Ways To Control The Trap Of Too Many Choices

Choice is a good thing. There can be few more liberating beliefs than the belief that we can choose our response. But for a large group of people who are motivated by the acquisition of knowledge, choice can become a real threat to accomplishment.

When does choice become a drag on accomplishment? Answer: When too many choices keep you from acting.

An example: I like to tie flies for trout fishing. I like to read about tying flies – I like to acquire materials to tie flies – I like to acquire the literature about tying flies for fishing. I like to go online and watch videos of tying flies – and I like to watch CD's and VHS tapes of flies being tied. So when I sit down to actually tie flies, I have an absolute mountain of information to help me in my tying. And that's the problem. I have so much stuff that making a decision regarding what fly to tie, in what size, whether dry, wet or nymph, for still water or flowing streams, weighted or unweighted, becomes an exercise in itself.

My favorite Uncle Jimmy never had this problem – if he were still with us he'd die laughing at my “problem.” Jimmy kept a couple dozen hooks on hand, black rooster feathers and brown rooster feathers. Some black tying thread and a home made vise and a set of scissors made up his tying kit. Just before going fishing in the Pocono Mountains outside Scranton PA he would tie two flies – one with the brown feathers and one with the black . No dry flies, no wets or nymphs – just flies that were dry flies until they got wet and wouldn't float, then they became wet flies until they got so wet they sank to the bottom, and then they became nymphs. But he just called them “Flies.” He fished with them until he lost them or they became so beat up that even a frugal fisherman like Jimmy knew they were finished. And he caught lots of fish.

So how did a guy with an Uncle Jimmy as a role model end up with so much stuff he finds it hard to even decide what fly pattern to tie?

The answer: I became too focused on the acquisition of knowledge at the expense of actually tying flies and fishing. I suspect I have a lot of company. And I have the good fortune to live in a time of plenty. And in plenty there is a trap. It's the trap of too many choices – too many alternatives – too many methods and processes and technologies. And at some point the acquisition of all those things makes a decision infinitely more difficult to make. But as long as the acquisition of stuff is occurring, it's easy to feel like progress is being made – even though it isn't.

The motivator that drives the behavior of information gathering is called the Theoretical motivator. It's what moves people to gain knowledge and information. It is, like most motivators – a strength. At least until it becomes a weakness. And knowledge acquisition can definitely become a weakness. There are very few jobs – even in academia – where the acquisition of knowledge and information is an end in itself.

Failure to control this impulse to press on in the preparation and knowledge gathering phase of an assignment, a project, a goal, can be very career limiting. Success likes speed; bosses like speed; first to market wins; ready, fire, aim wins. The knowledge seeker runs the very real risk of being left behind – and not even realizing it until it's too late. And the value of all that preparation and knowledge and expertise is never valued or recognized.

What can high Theoretical people – the knowledge seekers - do to ensure their own success, and ensure their being recognized as experts and doers?

Here are six ways for high Theoreticals to keep their motivator as a strength, and not let it become a weakness.

1 - The single most important thing is to understand there is learning in taking action. The ready, fire aim model has real value. Thomas Edison was fond of reminding people that he hadn't failed 1000 times – he had simply found 1000 ways that something wouldn't work – and in that action and discovery he came ever closer to inventing the telegraph, the phonograph, and, much later, the light bulb. The learning curve associated with taking action is much steeper than the curve associated with preparation. Both have their place.

2 - Realize that preparation and knowledge acquisition, while important, can be forms of “Resistance” - that mysterious force that keeps us from doing what we need to do. Others call that behavior procrastination. Realize that using activity – as opposed to action – as an excuse to keep from acting on the important few, rather than the unimportant many, is a sure way to fail.

3 - People with a high Theoretical motivator need SMART – Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Relevant, and Time specific - goals. Goals that place high value on action, with tight timelines and accountabilities to act – and to accomplish. And no more than 3 to 5 at any one time.

4 – Focus, focus, focus. Another quote from Edison: “If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” High Theoretical people love that kind of thought – it conveys the hope and belief in the tremendous capacities each of us have. But I suspect even Edison focused on one thing at a time – I suspect those 1000 plus experiments that ended up with a light bulb were conducted with all the focus and attention he could bring to bear. Trying to do too much at one time destroys focus, and Edison knew that.

5 – Don't confuse the acquisition of some object with accomplishment. Don't confuse hope with action. Too many books lie on too many shelves unread - books that had the potential to provide useful stuff – but required the action of reading and doing to acquire the “stuff.”And don't let hope be the meal of the day. Samuel Adams said “ Those that dine on hope go to bed hungry.”

6 - Create the habit of thought of focusing on the important, and overcome that itch to dig deeper into something of interest. At the end of each day, ask the question “ What did I accomplish today on the important things?” and at the beginning of each day ask the question “ What am I going to accomplish today on the most important things?” SMART goals make those questions a lot easier to answer.

In my own case, I've stolen a page from Uncle Jimmy's book. I have cleared my workbench of all but four dozen hooks and the material for one fly pattern. It's called an Elk Hair Caddis and it is one of the all time great patterns for trout. I will not look at any other fly until I have tied at least four dozen of one size of this pattern. I set a SMART goal – I can get on with tying flies - I feel much better about doing something I really enjoy. Try it yourself.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved

Three Keys To Finding Success

What do Peter Drucker, Jack and Suzy Welch and my college friend have in common when it comes to defining the keys to success? Read on to see how three very different perspectives and values can all be used to define the keys to success.

Peter Drucker said nothing is as worthless as doing well something that doesn't need to be done at all.

Jack and Suzy Welch, in their weekly “The Welchway” column in Business Week advised a questioner – a self described introvert - to release his inner extrovert if he wanted greater success in a large organization.

A college friend of mine was absolutely committed to being a salesman – even though his relational skills were close to non existent, and his overpowering obligation to tell all the truth all the time and at great length cost him all kinds of possibilities. He's had many, many sales jobs that just didn't work out.

What do the Peter Drucker statement, the Jack and Suzy Welch advice, and my college friends failures have in common? They deal with three key elements required to achieve success:

1 - Success is found where the work being done is perceived to be of high value.
2 - Success is found where success can be defined
3 - Success is found where strengths in behaviors, motivators and personal skills match work requirements - where doing what you are good at matches what needs to be done and how it is to be done.

1 - Establishing High Value

Drucker was right. If what is being done well is seen as not having value, then regardless how well it's done, it doesn't matter.. How often do we hear people complain that they are not appreciated for what they do? This happens most often in organizations where goals are not clearly stated.- where the importance of work is not made clear. But the burden of establishing the value of the work being done is the burden of the person doing the work. Why? Because they are the person most affected by the perception of the value of their work. It's in their self interest to advertise and promote what they're doing as worthy and valuable to the enterprise. Each person should be able, in thirty seconds, to explain what they do and its value to their organization. Not being prepared to do that creates the perception of low value. Its like the three bricklayers working on a new school. The first, when asked what he does said “ I lay brick.” The second said “I'm helping build a school.” The third said “I am am contributing to the building of a place where children in our community will learn – a learning place.” Same job, same outcome - three very different pictures of value added.

2 - Defining Success

A good friend was in a new position promoting a new enterprise that was going to open its doors in about a year. Her job was to promote and develop interest and commitment in this new enterprise in its target market. She did an excellent job of promotion – she was convinced of the rightness of her approach. At the same time, she was working independent of any direct supervision. She was advised to develop a monthly or weekly report to communicate her activities and accomplishments. She thought that was too much like self promotion, and, besides, she didn't like doing that kind of work. So her bosses really had only sporadic anecdotal information on which to judge her effectiveness. Had she put together a routine of reporting, created a vision of what she was doing and defined success for her bosses, she would have been seen as highly effective and successful – because she was. But no one was in a position to evaluate her success – and her relationships suffered. The work she was doing was important and of high value – but she didn't allow for it to be seen by others.

3 - Doing What You Are Good At Where It Will Be Valued

Many an A player in one situation ends up not succeeding in another. The cause?
Making the assumption that what worked at one place will work at another and not making sure motivators, values, behaviors and personal skills match the requirements of the new enterprise. It's amazing how often that happens – from both an individual and an organizational standpoint.

Three examples:

1 - The salesperson in a transactional sales job who prides himself on his relationship skills. The organization measures success on the number of prospects contacted and sold - one contact, one sale is the ideal. The salesman sees his success in the quality of his sales. His value and his behavior are at variance with the expectations of his company. Chances of his being successful in that environment without adapting – very low.

2 - A manager whose experiences and values have resulted in her being very successful as a planner and preparer. . She now works in a mid size company where speed to market is an absolute value. She insists that everything be planned and prepared so that there will be 100% success at implementation. Chances of success in that environment without adapting – very low.

3 - A manager whose motivators and values are to support tradition and process now works in an organization that prides itself on its seat of the pants, ready – fire – aim approach Chances for success in that environment without adapting – very low.

The thread that runs through all the keys is the requirement for the individual, not the organization, to take the lead to see that all three keys are met. They need to define the value of what they do to the organization. They need to define success as the basis for discussion and understanding. They need to do what they are good at, and determine what new skills are needed to adapt and be successful in different environments.

Take a measure of where you are today in relation to these three keys. Then take the actions that come from your analysis to ensure greater success – however you define success.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved

Be Among The Few Who Look

In a time when the very air around us seems to be filled with negative news, opinions and bias, it's tempting to look for the familiar and the comfortable as a protection against all the bad stuff. And the result is to miss so many things.

This is the time to look up and find hope and inspiration and positive things - contrary to conventional wisdom, they do exist.

Here is a quote from a special source - "The Universe@tut.com" dated 4.3.09 - "These are the times when hopes are dashed and chaos abounds, that golden opportunities, prized ideas, and new friends emerge into view of all, but are only seen by the few who look."

Have a great day and be among the few that keep looking.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved

Create Focus - Use SMART Goals To Fence Yourself In

We create focus when we fence ourselves in. And the best tool for building those fences are SMART goals - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Realistic and Time specific. How often have you had ten different things you could be doing – each one with value, each one requiring time and concentration, and the result is you find yourself thinking about what else you could be doing rather than focusing on what you are doing? And you're tempted to put down what you're doing and rush into what you feel – at this moment – is a more important thing.

Creating fences with SMART goals results in working on the few really important things – without having to constantly argue with yourself about what you should be or could be doing.

Most people don't connect fences with freedom, but fences create the freedom to be effective – they eliminate the focus killers of too many alternatives – too many distractions – too many interests – too many possibilities.

I have a good friend who has a very high Theoretical motivator. That means he places a high value on the acquisition of knowledge and information. He's an expert in his field – and in a lot of other fields as well. The problem he has is that he just keeps acquiring information and knowledge – as if they are an end in themselves.. He's been criticized for that behavior. He's learned that his motivator is a valuable one to have, but it can become a weakness when carried too far. He guards against that by defining goals at the start of every project – SMART goals – so that he keeps himself within boundaries and focuses on accomplishment.

SMART goals create fences on a group and team level as well. A client had a real problem with meetings that lasted for hours and resulted in very little being accomplished. The organization was full of smart, energetic people who brought a lot of ideas, suggestions, concerns and dialogue to every meeting. Few meetings stayed on course. A lot of valuable time was spent without much to show for it.

The solution?

1 - Set a SMART goal for every meeting - communicate it before the meeting so people could prepare – place the goal statement in a prominent place at the meeting so it could be referred to – a valuable way to bring the subject back on track.
2 – Meetings must have time limits and agendas.
3 - The person accountable for hosting the meeting is accountable for seeing that the structure for the meeting is in place.

Setting up the fences was the easy part – getting the participants to stay in them was a challenge. But the result was worth it. The number of meetings went down, the effectiveness of meetings went up. Time had a higher value, and more people got home for dinner and time with their families.

Creating focus through SMART goals – and setting up fences to keep focus works best with active, optimistic, curious, energetic people, teams and organizations. The kind of high energy, opportunistic people, teams and organizations that have tremendous potential for accomplishment, but need to guard against too much energy and commitment not being focused on the important few things.

If that describes you personally, or if it describes your team or organization, apply SMART goals to leverage resources and gain competitive advantage. It's worth the time and effort to set the goals and focus all that capacity for accomplishment. It's the difference between being busy and being effective.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved