Malcolm Forbes said: “ Many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue what they are.” That's another way of saying that we place more value on our weaknesses than we do on our strengths. And in that mistaken evaluation lies one of the main reasons for under achievement, frustration and lack of personal clarity.
If I asked you to list ten of your strengths and ten of your weaknesses, what comes to mind first?
Answer that question – right now. Write those ten strengths and weaknesses down.
For most people strengths are hard to describe. Weaknesses, on the other hand, seem to be much easier to discover. It isn't bad enough that we define our own weaknesses; it's made worse by all the other people willing and able to point them out to us. We see someone performing at a high level and rather than just enjoy the performance we tell ourselves we couldn't possibly do that. That may be true – but it's also true that we have other strengths – we just haven't valued them the way we should. But every time we make one of those negative comparisons, we chip away at our own feeling of worth.
My Dad used to say that the best football players never played football. That used to drive me nuts – how could you argue that someone who never played the game could possibly be the best football player? As I got older and discovered my Dad knew a thing or two, I began to see what he meant. He meant that the people who could have been the very best never played the game. Lack of opportunity, self doubt, other interests, culture, necessity, risk avoidance - all work to keep people from discovering their strengths – from playing their game. Some of those things can't be helped – that's life. But self doubt and risk avoidance can be dealt with.
How do we overcome those negative voices that create doubt and feelings of unworthiness and lack of ability? Here are nine steps to take.
1 - Adjust that habit of thought that looks for what isn't before it looks for what is. Our daughter, when she was in fourth grade, came home in tears one day. She'd gotten four wrong on a test. When we pointed out that she had gotten 96 right, she stopped crying and it dawned on her that she'd done pretty darn good. She worked on getting the correct answers for the four questions she'd missed, but she did it from a position of success, not failure.
2 - Believe that there is plenty for everybody. Someone else's success is a cause for celebration, not a time to feel as if something was lost. Appreciate the strengths of others for what they are, and avoid making negative personal comparisons that highlight weaknesses.
3 - Interdependence is a key to discovering and developing strengths. Synergy – one plus one equalling four or five – occurs when the strengths of one person compliment the strengths of another, and the weaknesses of each person are absorbed by the strengths of the other. If you're a good speaker and presenter but a lousy administrator, your speaking strength will be leveraged by a good administrator who isn't good at speaking. It's called a win – win relationship.
4 - Think in terms of opportunity. Strengths are drawn to opportunity. weaknesses push opportunity away. If you are a consequences person team up with an opportunity person who values your strengths as you do theirs – and reap rewards that neither of you could have achieved alone.
5 - Seek out positive people that see opportunity and grow with them. Avoid the toxic people who are always seeing the glass half empty. You know who they are – they can suck the life out of even the most accomplished optimist.
6 - Take risks by reaching outside your comfort zone. How else can you find your strengths than by testing and trying new things? It could be a project at work or doing something that the late comedian George Carlin called having a sense of “Vuja De" – the feeling that you have never ever been in this place before. I had a teacher that reminded us constantly that the only difference between a rut and a grave is that a rut's longer. Don't let the comfort zone become a rut – keep pushing at it.
7 - “Aim with your heart, adjust with your head, and always do all you can.” A saying from Tut The Universe. A great way to express the “ Ready, Fire, Aim” approach to success. Avoid the definition of madness - “Continuing to do things the same way and expecting a different outcome.”
8 - Get assessed. Discover yourself. Find out what the results of an assessment of skills, motivators and behaviors can tell you about yourself. Then use that knowledge to focus on who you are, what makes you tick and on the personal skills that you possess in abundance.
9 - Identify a hero or heroes. We all need people we can look up to and emulate. Just don't let the celebrity and strength of the hero cause you to diminish the value of your own strengths. Write down what makes them a hero to you – in that analysis lies terrific information on what you value – what you want to be.
It's easy to overlook the strengths we were born with and have acquired through experience, work, life and education. Often we assume everybody has what we have - nothing could be further from the truth The outcome of that assumption is that we underrate our unique set of strengths.
Apply these nine steps to your own life and get your focus on the good things that make you positively unique and valuable. Play your game - the result will be greater success personally and professionally.
Written by Andy Cox, President
Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph& Fax: 602-795-4100; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com
Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph& Fax: 602-795-4100; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com
Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
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