How often have you heard that reason - "It's just not fair", being used as the bottom line of an argument? Logic may say there is no merit to the complaint, but most people don't make their decisions based on logic and reason. They make them on emotion - and fairness is one of the most powerful appeals that can be made.
Fair, to me, is in the eye of the beholder. Example: That raise in pay that you thought was so generous when you gave it? Surprise - the person getting it feels it wasn't fair. Not fair! How do you deal with that?
Suggestion: Remind yourself that you are dealing with an emotional perception, not logic, and not necessarily a criticism or accusation - although it can be hard not to see it that way. Responding directly with logic usually gets you no where. Asking what isn't fair - in an open way - can result in an answer you can both deal with. You might be surprised - there probably are information and perceptions that created that emotion of unfairness that you can work with. Not addressing the emotion or becoming angry and defensive adds fuel to the fire. " What doesn't seem fair to you?" is a good opening question. In using it you are honoring the emotion without changing your own position - a good start on a productive discussion.
The secret to this kind of dialogue is to realize you are dealing with emotion; and accepting that emotion and trying to qualify it is the very best way to work with it. Try it - today.
Written by Andy Cox , Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive
Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4200; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: andycox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com
Copyright 2006 All Rights Reserved
No comments:
Post a Comment