Success Starts With Knowing Yourself

Success has a lot of elements to it, but none is more important than having a good grasp of self - how we act and react, how others see us, what are our personal skills, where should we seek help, and what are the careers that best suit who we really are. It is part of that common trait that successful leaders have - seeing things as they are, not as they want them to be or wish them to be. The first step in that reality process is knowing ourselves.

Each of us has three very separate and distinct "Who's". There is the" Who" we think we are, there is the "Who" others think we are, and there is the "Who" we want or wish to be. The closer our three "Who's" are, the greater our chances of success. The further apart they are, the better the chances that we will fail.

Think about it - have you ever been surprised by someone's description of you - have you ever experienced someone who just didn't get it? Have you thought you just weren't communicating - or that the other person just wasn't smart enough to understand you? Have you ever been drawn to work or interests that seem to be at variance with what you think you should be doing? Have you ever seen someone in a job that just did not fit?

Let me give you an example - I had a manager who believed he was seen by others as a friendly, outgoing person who was easy to get along with and very approachable. From time to time he would get some feedback that could have given him signals that others didn't see him that way. Only after many years, a failed leadership position, career counseling and a series of assessments did it start to become clear to him that others did not see him the way he saw himself. The assessments said he was seen by others as cold, impersonal and analytic - more interested in process and analysis than in people. This manager, given the fact that he had just been fired from a position, was willing to look at and analyze the feedback. He started asking people he trusted - there weren't too many - what they thought. Once they felt comfortable being candid, they indeed agreed with the results of the assessments. What a shock!! But in going through that exercise, that manager brought his three "Who's" a little bit closer. He reflected on things in his past and began to see a different picture of himself. At this stage it wasn't a matter of changing his behavior - it was a matter of understanding what his behavior was, and understanding it's impact on others. The decision whether or not to change can't happen until understanding of reality is reached - otherwise it's a lesson in futility.

This manager is now working on the small changes in behavior that can make him more friendly and outgoing to others, while preserving his analytic, process driven values. It's not easy, but I think he will make it, and in doing so, draw his three "Who's" closer.

I suggest each of you take the time to write down who you want to be - in whatever terms you want to use. Then write down what you think others think of you. Then ask trusted friends to discuss what they think. If you are not comfortable doing that , use some other process, like a career counselor or assessments , to get the ball rolling. I guarantee the earlier in your career you come to grips with reality in terms of yourself, the better your chances of success.