Make Sure Your Dreams Are Your Servant, Not Your Master

In effective goal setting, using dreams to establish ideal outcomes is a critical step in creating the vision and purpose that become the building block for goals. When used that way, dreams are your servant.

But when the word dreams is mentioned, many people are turned off - to them dreams are a waste of time - a trip into fantasy. They feel dreams are not for the real world. They see dreams as taking away from action and accomplishment.

The line between dreams as the servant and dreams as the master is a thin one. Rudyard Kipling, in his masterpiece poem "IF " wrote a verse that says "If you can dream, but not let dreams become your master...." Going even further, Cormac McCarthy, in his novel, "The Road" says: "When your dreams are of some world that never was or of some world that never will be and you are happy again, then you will have given up."

You can think of dreams as a resource, a servant - a special place where you go to create thoughts that can serve as the first step to accomplishment. Or they can become your master - taking you to that soft, fuzzy place where you can escape from reality and think great thoughts that have a really low probability of ever happening. For most people, dreams are both a servant and a master.

How do you know if your dreams represent real possibilities, or are a place to escape from reality - to fantasyland? Do your dreams replace action - or do they create action and persistence to get through the tough times? The answer to those questions isn't always so clear cut - sometimes our mind plays tricks on us.

Take the Lottery dream as an example. A New York Times article states that the dream of winning stimulates the same brain circuits as actual winning does. The article goes on to state that " in brain imaging studies of drug users, as well as healthy adults placing bets, neuroscientists have found that the prospect of reward activates the same circuits in the brain that the payoffs themselves do." It's easy to keep the Lottery dream alive - just buy a ticket and keep those brain circuits buzzing. And at odds of 147,000,000 to 1 for each drawing of the Powerball Lottery, you may be a winner. Nothing wrong with taking that chance. At least not until the dream of winning the Lottery replaces dreams that have the potential for real action and accomplishment.

Realize that your conscious mind can only think about one thing at a time. Dreaming of never were's and never will be's uses up conscious thought at the same rate that thoughts of opportunities and accomplishments do. It's when those never was, never will be dreams take up space better devoted to dreams of real world possibilities that dreams become a problem - when they become the master of time and energy.

Every minute spent on those kinds of low probability, low commitment, low risk, low investment dreams takes away from the time available to dream about real possibilities, solutions, tactics and strategies and rewards for accomplishment. Dreams that are the master do nothing to increase personal feelings of worth and ability - they do the opposite. By placing value on chance - as in the Lottery dream case - rather than personal accomplishment - they diminish beliefs of personal ability. And they are sneaky - often they become a habit of thought that just kind of happens - and they create a view of the world that isn't at all accurate.

How to be sure your dreams are your servant - part of your real world - and not let them become your master?

Ask yourself these five questions.

1 - Do you find yourself thinking about the past - and how it could have been, should have been, or would have been different?

2 - Do your dreams take you away from the probable and the possible?

3 - Do you find yourself dreaming about a future that has no relationship to your life so far?

4 - Do you dream about being someone other than yourself ?

5 - Do your dreams require your "willful suspension of disbelief" ?

If you answered Yes to the questions, realize that dreams, at least part of the time, have become your master. And those dreams that are your masters take away from achieving success in the real world. Choose to examine your thoughts and apply the five questions. It's tough - particularly if dreams have been the master for some time. But the conscious examination of dreams can and will lead to a more effective, successful life.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: http://www.coxconsultgroup.com/; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved

How To Ensure Dissatisfaction Is A Key To Success

In the important areas of our lives, dissatisfaction is a positive - a way to constantly improve. At the same time, dissatisfaction has its limitations. Applying dissatisfaction to many areas of life just leads to frustration and regret.

In my first job, as a salesman with Procter and Gamble, at the annual sales meeting the Vice President of Sales got up and gave a speech on "divine discontent." He told us we should never be satisfied with what is, we should always be striving for more, we should be aiming for the stars. We all got up and cheered and applauded. That was years ago, and the message in that speech has always stuck with me. He was right - being content with the status quo as a salesman is a recipe for failure.

We are constantly given the message that to stay in place is to lose ground; that today is all we have; that the future can be better, if we make it so. Those are all terrific messages and beliefs, and shape the behaviors and motivators of achievers.

But taken too far, those messages and beliefs can become a trap that can lead to all kinds of problems. Problems that grow out of the habit of thought called dissatisfaction. And that dissatisfaction - that habit of thought that can be so positively powerful, can lead to failure, dropping out, leaving things unfinished, procrastination, perfectionism and constant frustration.

In the new Woody Allen movie, " Vicky Cristina Barcelona," in a very intense scene, Maria Elena, Penelope Cruz's character, accuses Cristina, Scarlett Johannson's character, of being addicted to dissatisfaction.

"Addicted to dissatisfaction." What a great description! That state of mind where everything can be better - or different. That place where whatever is being done is not good enough. Where there is always something more important, more exciting, more fulfilling, more valuable, more rewarding. It's being in that emotional place where nothing seems to be right, where everything is just a little bit off, a little bit less than desired.

We've all met people who seem to focus only on what didn't happen, what wasn't just right, what didn't meet standards, what was a little off balance. Their dissatisfaction just sucks the life out of whatever it is they have focused on.

And when dissatisfaction extends to the unimportant areas, and it's easy for that to happen, dissatisfaction becomes a destructive force. And recognizing that it has happened is often difficult. But "Addiction to Dissatisfaction"can negatively affect relationships, performance, health.

How to focus dissatisfaction on the important few, and adopt a more tolerant approach to the unimportant many - to get rid of an "Addiction To Dissatisfaction"?

The first step is recognizing the symptoms. Here are ten key symptoms of dissatisfaction addiction.

1 - Being unable to separate the really important from the not really important. Treating everything the same, with the same intensity and focus.

2 - Increasing a performance expectation as soon as soon as the old expectation is met - without regard to its real importance.

3 - Criticizing yourself for not doing more - whatever that means. And then extending that criticism to other people, situations and solutions.

4 - Finding it difficult if not impossible to celebrate victories because they fall short of the ideal.

5 - Considering "good enough" to be unacceptable performance - on anything.

6 - Being convinced that you could have done much better if you had more time, more training, more focus, more resources. Feeling that what you did wasn't your best work.

7 - Feeling that the people you associate with, work with, live with are not quite up to snuff, Not quite what you imagined, not quite what you expected, not quite what you hoped for.

8 - Striving for the ideal solution, behavior, outcome, and being satisfied with nothing less, without measuring the importance.

9 - Judging accomplishment against the ideal, and finding fault with the difference between the two - without evaluating the importance of the difference - or the accomplishment.

10 - Thinking that there are more important things to be done than what is being done now - without being able to really define what those more important things are.

Once recognized, how can you overcome this Addiction to Dissatisfaction while keeping dissatisfaction as a key to improvement in the important things?

It starts with being aware that this habit of thought is imbedded in motivators and behaviors. Start by reviewing the key symptoms, and determine if they describe you. You can't fix something that you don't know exists on a conscious level.

And then:

• Treat only the very few really important things as worthy of constant striving. Constant striving on everything just leads to never doing anything very well.


• Realize and accept that "good enough" ain't bad - almost all of the time.


• Create SMART goals - for only the few important things and be satisfied with meeting the goals and then celebrate meeting them. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic/Relevant, Time framed.


• Create goals that align with the goals of others who have influence over what you consider important - like your job. Continue to resist the very human impulse to add goals - keep the truly important to 3 to 5 goals - no more.


• Understand and accept that "meeting goals" for SMART goals is excellent performance.


• Beware of goal creep - that self inflicted monster that keeps moving the bar higher and higher - even when it makes little if any sense.


• Accept that there are areas in your life where performance is not what it is in the core areas - that doesn't mean failure - it means being human.


• Be as focused as that fabled fictional detective, Sherlock Holmes. In one scene he tells his assistant, Dr Watson, that he doesn't care if the moon goes around the sun or the earth goes around the sun. It makes no difference to him - all that knowledge could do to him would be to divert him from his truly important work. That work - in his case - is being the best detective he can be. Focus works to brush aside dissatisfaction with the trivial many.

Then keep striving - on the few things where striving will make a difference. Watch that Addiction To Dissatisfaction disappear, and be replaced by effective, focused accomplishment.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved

When Is The Best Time To Change?

The best time to change is when you don't have to - when you're not forced to -but when events and circumstances provide the opportunity and momentum for change. It's also the most effective time to change. It's when astute leadership has prepared for change and acts when the opportunity presents itself - as it almost always will.


I learned that lesson from one of the best leaders I ever worked with. He knew how hard change without a pressing need can be. In the organization he lived in anything that wasn't pressing and proximate got zero attention. He dealt with that behavior by identifying potential problems and then working - quietly - to develop solutions. He kept a low profile on his preparation and solutions until the inevitable crisis or attention-getting problem occurred. When it did he was ready to work to solve it. His rationale for quietly preparing was that if he presented a problem and a solution prematurely, they would be dismissed as unimportant, and trying to reintroduce them later was made much more difficult by the earlier dismissal.

His point? In order to be heard, you've gotta know when the situation has the attention of the organization.

The alternative to his approach are short term fixes, rather than long term solutions. It's the buying of something that has the promise of solving something, it's the 1000 calorie diet that gives a weight loss quickly, but with no hope of long term benefit. It's the program introduced to solve a "morale" problem that ends up causing a morale problem. And that behavior - short term fixes - results in frustration and cynicism.

But those short term fixes can lead to long term solutions, if change is handled on a constructive basis.

An example of how long term change grew out of a crisis, a near term fix and a long term solution.

A manufacturing company made commercial airplane components. Part of their business was building replacement parts for older airplanes. Over a Christmas shutdown period, a critical component - a one of a kind replacement - disappeared from the stand where it was awaiting final inspection. A replacement had to be made at great cost - other versions of this part didn't fit this particular aircraft - though the thieves probably didn't know that. But the fact that it was a one - of - a - kind was crucial to identifying and highlighting the theft.


Shortly after that event the head of Security got an anonymous tip that high value plating metals were being stolen. The Security Chief had suspected that theft was a problem for some time, but he had no way to put his finger on it and cause real action to be taken. The combination of the missing component and the tip on the theft of plating metals were the triggers that got the President's attention.

The Security Chief recommended an undercover operation that he had planned for some time. He laid out how it should be done, using a private investigative agency the Chief had vetted and maintained contact with for just such a situation. The operation was implemented within a week - with only the President, the Security Chief and the VP of Administration aware of it. The company was in a hiring mode - and undercover operatives were placed on open jobs. Within 60 days they were able to identify suspects. Within 90 days of the start of the undercover operation, action was taken and suspects were interrogated and, in most cases, terminated for theft.


Most of the organization was relieved that the thieves had been identified - many people knew theft and other bad things were happening, but they didn't feel they could come forward.

The near term fixes that followed were replacing the contract guard force and putting increased security procedures in place. Most people felt the issue was finished. And that could have been the end of the story.

But the FBI and local authorities had been informed by the Security Chief about the undercover operation as soon as action was taken against the suspects. He had established relationships with the FBI and local law enforcement on a just -in - case basis and had an effective working relationship with them. They started their own investigation within that part of the industrial community that could have profited from the kinds of things stolen. They started recovering all kinds of components from repair shops that the company didn't know had been stolen! The company had to admit that their material control processes were outdated and ineffective. The FBI and local police ended up recovering over $500,000 worth of parts. but they lost interest when it became apparent that the company couldn't take legal action - the admission that they didn't know the parts were missing made prosecution almost impossible.

And then the long term benefit kicked in. The realization that Material Control needed to be improved led to positive change. It started with a study to determine what steps could be taken to integrate and improve work flow, inventory control, production control , parts tracking and assembly. It ended with the phased implementation of an integrated Materials Requirement Plan system that completely changed the dynamics in the manufacturing, procurement and processing of the parts. The result was lower inventory, shorter lead times on purchased parts, shorter work - in - process times for components, and improved performance to commitments.

Big positive change started with a Security Chief prepared to work a theft problem - but needing the credibility of an in - your - face problem to get the ball rolling. And once the ball was rolling, having the President use the information gained to create positive lasting change in the organization. That required communication from the top. It required the cooperation and dedication of everyone. But everyone could see the benefits and the worthiness of the changes - so everyone pitched in. They were open to change. It was a real success story.

Back to the original question. When is the best time to change? It's when preparation and the opportunity to create interest and urgency come together around some incident or condition that can focus attention and effort. That's when real lasting change occurs.


Use that answer to focus your own personal and organizational change efforts for maximum impact and value.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved

Looking At Life Through The Rear View Mirror

Many of us spend a significant amount of time looking through the rear view mirrors of our lives. Some people spend all their time there – some spend no time there - but most have a nice balance between looking at what's behind and what's ahead.

Sometimes the “mirror” can be really helpful, and sometimes it can cough up those really embarrassing, stupid, negative memories that are best forgotten, but that the mirror wants to keep front and center.

Have you ever had the experience of suddenly being confronted, in your mind, with something you did in the past that you wish you hadn’t, or that you regretted, and that "something" flashes up on your brain screen and sends a chill down your spine, or a flop to your stomach, or a tear to your eye – or a song to your heart?

Funny – very few of my rear view mirror flashes send a song to my heart. I don't know about you, but my mirrors tend to be critical of my behavior – the coulda’, woulda, shoulda ‘s that make me feel less good about myself. My rear view mirror wants to keep the negative stuff more available than the "bring a smile " stuff.

I’m talking about those little drops of negative emotional water that hit your brain, again and again, and in so doing create a groove or funnel for continued negative flashes.

What these flashes do is create habits of thought that affect our beliefs about our personal worth, ability and value. And those negative mirror flashes feed those two little worms - the "I am not worthy" one, and the "I am not able" one. And they grow. And we do it to ourselves.

The most powerful messages we receive about our ability and value are the ones we send ourselves. And we're often not aware that we're even doing it. That's the thing about habits - both good and bad. They become so ingrained that we just do them. The good news is habits can be changed. Not stopped, but replaced with other habits.

If your rear view mirror keeps sending you negative messages about your past, here are suggestions on ways to change that destructive habit of thought.

1 - Be aware that it is happening. That sounds so obvious, but habits are sneaky. They get so ingrained that they seem unconscious. The first step is to challenge your thoughts. Are they helpful? Are they destructive? Do they help or hinder?

2- Prepare a list of the top 100 things that make you smile, make you feel thankful, make you proud, make you feel worthy and able. Write them down. This can be tough - especially if your messages have been negative for a long time. But it is the key step to replacing those negative thoughts.

3 - Review them every day and add to them as you think of more positive messages.

4 - When a negative thought message comes through, catch yourself and tell yourself to stop! And then replace it with one of your 100 or more "guaranteed to make you feel good about yourself" messages you have written down.

5 - Persist. Habits take time and dedication to change. Keep reminding yourself of the value of thinking positively about yourself. And of how much better it makes you feel.

6 - Think of your rear view mirror as having two modes - one that lets in all the bright lights that can blind you, and the other mode that filters so you can see more clearly.

Let's face it, life has and will continue to throw all kinds of challenges at us. Using your rear view mirror to prepare for the challenges to be faced is a powerful habit of thought. Take a look in yours right now, and bcome aware of what a positive tool it can be.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com;Website:www.coxconsultgroup.com; Blog: http://multiplysuccess.blogspot.com

Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved