Self Talk - Self Sabotage

Observations on self sabotage. I was just finishing a 5 mile walk at a 4 mph rate when I realized I was telling myself that wasn't much of an exercise. I was telling myself that I should have pushed harder - gone to the gym - hike in the hills - that a 5 mile walk at 4 mph on city streets wasn't really much of an exercise - because of serious back problems running is out of the question.

Then I realized I do that a lot. I minimize my accomplishments and think of them as less than what I should or could be doing.

Do you ever do that?

This input of self imposed negative messages - that we should do more, what we've done isn't that great, compared to others, we don't measure up, has the long term effect of creating in our minds a feeling of not good enough, not as good as, not really able, not really worthy. And we do it to ourselves!

Wow! A five mile walk at a good rate on a day when exercising in any form was a push because of other commitments. And then end it with a dose of self criticism for not doing more. Self sabotage at its best - or worst!

Take a look at your own self talk - see if it helps you or hinders you. If you're guilty of minimizing your own accomplishments, work on getting that kind of self talk out of your system.

It's not easy - it's a sneaky habit of thought that can get really imbedded. Start work on it by becoming conscious that you're doing it. Start today.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com.

Copyright 2007 All Rights reserved

Bill Maher - The Incredible Shrinking Man

I gotta tell ya. I saw a clip of the Maher late night rip of George Bush. Wow!!

Setting aside the politics, I've never seen anyone show their true colors the way Maher did. I don't usually write about this kind of thing, but not too long ago I wrote a blog about either saying something good about a person, or not saying anything at all. The objective of the blog was to show how badmouthing others discredits the badmouther much more than it affects how people feel about the badmouthee - in this case George Bush.

Maher did a great job of illustrating that point. Maybe that's what you do in his business, but if that's what you have to do to get on late night TV and earn a living, count me out. I don't know how tall Maher is, but after that performance, I'd say he's two feet tall and shrinking.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Time and Energy - Where Do You Spend It?

Time and energy - yout two most valuable assets - and, believe it or not, the two most variable of your assets. What does that mean?

Time as an asset is less about the 24 hour clock than it is about the leverage your time provides. How much influence do you have in a day? How many other's lives and jobs do you impact every day? What are the things that steal time from you - and lower your leverage to nothing?

Think of energy as an asset. What pumps you up and allows you to focus and work at a high rate? What sucks the life right out of you - and leaves you dragging through the day?

If you're like most people, the top answer to this question is people - our ups and downs and success and failures can be traced, to the greatest extent, to our people relationships.

So, how do we use this knowledge to multiply our own success?

There are three groups of people in your universe of people - first - the 5 percent you click with from the very first time you meet. Second - the 5 percent you don't and won't click with. The third group is your group of possibilities - the vast majority of people you know - or will know.

The first group is easy - we just work well, engage well and communicate well. We want to spend time with each other - we have, as a former boss of mine put it " an ability to come to violent agreement." It becomes easy to spend a lot of our time in this group - when you find a good friend, a kindred spirit at work, a fishing buddy, a loving spouse. And then it becomes so easy to close ranks. To stay in the comfort zone these special relationships provide. And in doing that, so many possibilities for personal growth may pass you by. I don't mean to imply we should coldly calculate the time and energy spent with our special people, but I do mean to stress the need to remain open to other relationships so you can grow - and add to that special group of friends and soulmates. This special group gives you the energy to grow - to become more than you have ever been - treasure them.

The second group presents a challenge. When you meet one of your negative 5 percenters, you know it. Chances of changing the chemistry between you are are poor, but the ability to keep perspective and work effectively with the negative 5 percenters can be critical to your success. Too much time spent with or focusing on this group will suck the energy right out of you, It will take your time and make it seem as if you have none. And yet, how often do we see otherwise rational people fixate on the negative 5 percenters, to the exclusion of the other 95 percent of the population. What a waste! Let the press make their living reporting on this group - they are so good at it. And if you're working for one - get out!

Then there are the 90 percenters - the vast majority of people with whom you work and live effectively. The accomplishment that comes from working with this group can keep you pumped. Think about it. Almost all the people you will ever meet will be possible friends - effective co workers - people you can play golf with, plan with - the possibilities are endless. Your time and energy can expand exponentially with this group - all it takes is optimistic expectations and a willingness to meet other people half way - and learn in the process.

Ask yourself where you spend your time. Treasure your real friends. Then find some more of that 90 percent, and grow. And, starting right now, don't let the negative 5 percent have more than a 5 percent effect on you.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

Success Tool - Looking Back to Look Forward

Huh? Success Tool? I thought you're supposed to stay in today, plan for tomorrow and forget about yesterday. "Happiness is good health and a short memory." So what's this about looking back?

A story - I was hiking in the Phoenix Mountain Preserve. It's very rugged with lots of trails. Two young women approached me and asked how to get back to where they had started. They were headed in exactly the wrong direction. I walked with them until I was sure they were on the right path. I suggested the next time they go hiking, they should turn around from time to time and look where they had come from - and pick out landmarks and trails. Doing that helps assure you won't get lost. In addition to a map, it's the best way I know to stay on course when you're in new territory.

Here's the Success Tool I call Looking Back. After the first week in any change you are going through, record your impressions, judgments and perceptions. It doesn't have to be neat - the only person who has to understand what was recorded is you. Put it away - and after a month, take it out and review it. And then record where you are after your first month, and put that away. Do this monthly for six months. When you go back and review your recordings, be prepared to be amazed at how far you've come and how much you've accomplished! See how much greater your understanding of people, processes and problems has become. See how much closer you have come to meeting and exceeding expectations - your own and others.

What does this Tool do? It's both a compass and a motivator. It helps you to celebrate the small successes that, added together, turn into big successes - and nothing motivates like success! It helps you know just how far you've come. It helps if course corrections are needed - if the successes aren't there - or if they don't meet your expectations.

In the rush to accomplish and solve and process and deal with the everydays, our individual accomplishments often go unnoticed and unrecognized. It's easy to forget what has led you to where you are now. Use this Tool to look back from time to time and gain the energy to go forward by seeing just how far you have already come.

Start today - write it down - make it one of your habits - never get lost again.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Webiste; www.coxconsultgroup.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

The Most Feared Question In Business

What follows is a conversation - one that happens all too often in business. The status quo, how managers have been trained, what got them to where they are, and business realities all play a part in this conversation. Listen to our fictitious, but all too real manager as he or she has this ongoing talk with themselves.

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"What Do You Think?"The boss said I should try that question with my people. Uh oh, if I ask that question I might get an answer that I don't like, or that I have to act on, or that provides information I need to communicate, or that makes me communicate a response. I really don't want that - Why won't people just do what they're told, and let it go at that.

No one ever asked me "What do you think?" I'm supposed to do this because the Boss said we're one big family and need to respect opinions and access everyone's experience to help pull us out of this hole we are in?

You know, I've worked for companies for over 20 years, and I've always done what I was told, I've been a good soldier, a hard worker, and I 've always got the job done. That's what I'm comfortable with. That's what got me promoted. And now I'm asked to throw all that out the window and start a touchy feely approach to getting things done.This idea that some snot nosed college grad I juast hired can come in here and tell me something is pure BS. They gotta pay their dues - just like I have.

Besides, if I start to ask "What do you think?" I 'm going to lose control of my people. I've always prided myself on having the technical knowledge and problem solving skills to keep ahead of problems. All they gotta do is what I tell them to do. What's so tough about that? Besides, if I change how I behave, they won't know what to do - all I'll do is confuse them.

Of course, since we downsized and I lost 20 percent of my people, it's gotten a lot harder to stay on top of things. I've had to work harder, and smarter and longer. Then I look at the lazy bums in my workforce - still leaving at quitting time - like always. Yeah, they got done what I told them to do, but you'd think they would stick around. We're in trouble, and we need every one to pull a bigger load - why don't they ask for more work? I shouldn't have to ask "What do you think?"- they should be coming to me! I'll impose a manadatory 10 hour day to get their attention, that's way more effective than a "What do you think?"

It's been a week since I announced the 10 hour day. Well, that went over badly. Wow! It really got me some problems around here! The Boss wants to see me. Something about leveraging my assets? Apparently somebody in my group complained. What the hell? How am I going to impress on these people the severity of our problems if I can't even demand more of their time? Wait till I find out who did it - I'll squash them like a bug!

Well the Boss made it short and sweet. He didn't want any more problems coming from my group. Told me to use a better approach to leverage my assets. There's that word leverage again - all it means is I have to work harder. He told me to ask "What do you think?"I told him I would do what I could do, but with us falling behind, and the two people that just quit and I can't replace, I didn't have time for a lot of talk.. He said he didn't want to hear about my troubles - just get it done.

I took action right away. I pride myself on going right at things - take action and worry about it later. Well, nothing changed - I didn't think it would. I tried - I had a meeting with all my people. I stood up in front of them, crossed my arms, told them what I expected from them, then asked them "What do you think?" I've never asked that before, and sure enough, nobody had any thoughts. That should put that to rest.

It's been a month since the last meeting with my people. I've been working like crazy - hardly ever get to see my wife and kids. But if that's what it takes, so be it. My boss got let go last week and a new Business Unit Manager has been assigned - a young guy. He says things have to change, and we all need to be on the same team, and we need to keep our eye on the ball. Hell. I don't even know what game we're supposed to be playing. I'll just keep banging away - and things will get better.

Two weeks since my boss got canned, and today I got notice that my workgroup is being reassigned and there is no place for me - I think that's called being fired. I really didn't see this coming. I thought keeping my shoulder to the wheel, my eye on the ball, and my feet firmly planted on the ground and then working in that position would keep me employed. It's all politics. I wonder if I have an age discrimination complaint? My wife isn't going to like this.
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A cautionary tale - but all too typical. Managers who can't ask the most feared question in business can't be successful in businesses that require commitment and that value the "collective genius" of their people. And the companies that don't value individual contribution and commitment - the compliance companies - the "My way or the highway" companies - just keep disappearing - either through behavior change or through ownership change or bankruptcy.

Practice your "What do you think?" question, and how you deal with responses. Start today.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail:acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

How Critical Is Balance To Your Success?

Balance is in the eye of the beholder. There are no standards available to apply to balance.

But let me define balance, for purposes of this blog. Balance is having the time to meet the goals we have set for ourselves.

There are people who are balanced with an 80 to 100 hour workweek. Their reward for this level of commitment is expressed in their income, status, promotions. They're in balance - as long as they are meeting their goals.

Other people are balanced with a 40 hour work week. Their reward may be expressed through the success of their children, their church, their Scout troop. They're in balance - as long as they feel they are meeting their goals.

The point being that balance is very much a personal value call. And what is balance at one point in a person's life may change - based on any number of circumstances.

The 100 hour a week person will find, once they are at the top of their profession, that their goals change - and they adapt to find a combination that provides balance. The worker with family values will find, once children are grown and on their own, some other outlet for energies and needs, and establish new goals to find balance.

The real issue is when we feel out of balance - the needs of the various parts of our lives create frustrations - a feeling that what we are doing - or are compelled to do, doesn't allow time to do the things we want to do. The results include negative energy, resentment, anger, passive aggressive behavior - destructive emotions and behaviors that keep balance from happening.

When that happens, ask yourself these questions:

Do you have goals?
Are they your goals?
Are they specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time framed?

If you can't answer yes to those three questions, you will probably answer yes to the following questions.

Do you resent the demands put on you by others?
Do you feel regardless what you are doing, you should or could be doing something else?
Do you feel your time is not your own?
Do you feel that there is always more to do than you could possibly accomplish?
Do you feel unappreciated?
Do you envy the success of others?
Do you tell yourself someday things will change - and be "better"?

If you answered yes - negative emotions are causing you all kinds of problems, whether you realize it or not.

To overcome those negative emotions, you must have goals that are yours, that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time framed. Look at the goals you do have with that in mind. Adjust if you have to to meet your own circumstances and to preserve or gain balance in your life. And if you don't have your own goals, get them. Start today.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

The Positive Power of Music

I was was totally focused on tying a new flyfishing pattern yesterday - concentrating on getting it right.

A tune came on the radio, and, bang, just like that, I was back in Kansas City in the 60's. Driving to work on a cold rainy day in February. 5 AM - going to open the labor office for temp day laborers that was part of my Manpower Inc branch. Not looking forward to it. Life hadn't been very good for a while. My wife had been sick for a long time - in and out of hospitals. The Manpower Inc branch was stuck in low gear. I was opening the labor office because the third manager I had hired in the last year hadn't worked out - so there I was - looking forward to another 14 hour work day followed by making dinner, getting our little girls to bed, doing the laundry ---.

Then this tune came on the radio - Ray Stevens singing "Everything Is Beautiful, In Its Own Way." And suddenly everything looked a little bit brighter - a little bit more optimistic - a little more hope in my life. I can remember it as if it were yesterday. I smiled and felt a real surge of positiveness and energy and those words - "Everything is beautiful in its own way", became a sort of mantra for me. From then on, when things got tough - or tougher - I would think of that song and it helped me endure, survive, hang in there and celebrate life. Those words reminded me that there is beauty in everyone and everything - and to look for it. Wow!!

Life got better. My wife got better, our girls grew up and are beautiful, successful women with families of their own. But that special song remains as powerful a message to me now as it was then. It always will. Thanks, Ray Stevens - for your particular genius.

Do you ever notice how a song you haven't heard for years, can, as soon as you hear the first few notes, take you to a place, and have you singing the lyrics as if it were just yesterday when it was popular? I marvel at our ability to keep those special tunes in special places and bring them out with the tiniest of promptings. To me that speaks to the power of music, but more to our own power - our power to take a message, accept it, make it our own, and have it with us the rest of our lives.

I keep looking for those messages of optimism and hope, and those messages that take me back and remind me how far I've come in life. I hope you do that too. Life's a journey - so many little experiences that can have huge possibilities for us - listen for them.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved

Magazine Fulfillment Service Non Service

Sales opportunity available to magazine fulfillment services!

I have been trying to get a magazine fullfillment service used by Delta Airlines to get me a subscription from Financial Times that I bought with Delta Miles November 12, 2006. I have sent 2 E mails and made 5 phone calls to this service - and 5 phone calls to Financial Times as well. As of January 15th, I was told by this service that they could find no record of my order, and they were submitting my order 1.15.07. This was after, in December, I was told by this same service that my subscription was to start on Dec 18th, and they would check to see what happened and get back to me. They never got back to me. As of today, Financial Times has no record of a subscription for me, and the rep at the service said I should expect to wait 4 to 8 weeks from January 15th for my first copy!

By the way, this is the same service used by American Airlines, and they simply lost a subscription to Men's Journal that I placed in November - when asked about it's status, a rep said they had no record. I sent them the acknowledgment of the subscription E mail I had received. They insisted they had no record of my request - didn't offer any remedy - I subscribed to Men's Journal from another service.

If you're selling fulfillment services, get your butt over to AA and Delta and take this blog. I suspect my story is like lots of others. If you need more info, contact me directly.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph: 602-795-4100; Fax : 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Confusing Hope and Intentions With Results

I recently bought, at a garage sale, an almost new Nordic Track Achiever Cross Country Ski exerciser. Perfect condition, hardly any wear on it all all. Still stiff from not being used. Paid $40 for a $500 machine - great deal for me!! I wonder just how many millions - possibly billions of dollars have been spent on exercise machines that now occupy the furthest corners of basements and attics and garages ? I call them the "feel good" machines.

The purchasers really felt good when they bought them. The act of buying had value in itself. They were on their way to better health, weight loss, attractiveness.

They were all bought with the best of intentions and expectations. Buying them was the first step to the result of self improvement. Then, for 90% of the purchasers, the next step, persistent action, proved too difficult, and the machines were left in place until facing them and failing to use them became so burdensome that they were hidden away. Some got sold to second hand stores, some given to Goodwill, some sold throught ads, some at garage sales. All of these exercise machines have one thing in common - the purchasers confused hope and intention with action and results. Their purchases were emotional - based on the best of reasons, and then abandoned to the scrap heap. I wonder what I would have to pay to corner the market on gently used Thighmasters?

There are lots of other examples of this behavior - purchasing something to give ourselves the feeling that we had taken action to solve a problem. I 'm looking at software to learn Spanish and French - I installed it on my computer - I wanted to learn two foreign languages - that's as far as I got. They've been on my computer for two years now - I still haven't studied them.

How many books have been purchased based on the emotional appeal of losing weight, getting rich, investing like the pros, becoming a successful leader, or being able to raise kids the "right" way? Every purchase represented hope - hope that the contents will improve the readers condition. But, just like the exercise machines, that's as far as most people get - and the second hand stores are full of barely opened copies.

Companies are no different - take safety as an example. Rersearch has shown that 90% of accidents at work are due to unsafe acts, but most safety expenditures are for equipment, not to develop safer behaviors.

Cars are another example - more and more safety equipment, more and more regulation designed to make driving safer, and yet the primary reason for accidents remains unsafe acts by the nut behind the wheel.

So what's this rant about? It's about recognizing that the purchase of something is a good thing - if it leads to commitment and resolve to see your hope and dreams through to completion. It means I won't be finding many more $500 Nordic Tracks for $40, and a lot more Thighmasters will break from use, but that just means more people translated dreams into realities - and good for them!

Look in your own bookcases, in your attics and garages and basements, then resolve to use what you bought when your were full of hope. Do it - today.

Written by Andy Cox, President

Cox Consulting Group LLC, 4049 E Vista Drive, Phoenix, AZ 85032 Ph:602-795-4200; Fax: 602-795-4800; E Mail: acox@coxconsultgroup.com; Website: www.coxconsultgroup.com

Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved